The Aftermath
by Lcm824
Summary: Picks up where season 1 left off, so *Beware of Spoilers*. Basically, it's about how Piper and Alex deal with the events of season 1. Was a one-shot, now a multi-chapter. Pairing: Alex/Piper.
1. Chapter 1

So, I just finished watching Orange is the New Black on Netflix and since I have to wait until Season 2 to find out what happens, I decided to write what I would want to happen, so if you haven't seen the end yet, don't read this! Right now, this might just be a one-shot since I have another story to work on, but who knows, I would like to start a fic about it. Anyway, its a little weird, I know, but whatever. I hope you enjoy! Feedback is much appreciated =)

Alex

"Piper!" I called out, running towards the hunched blonde figure. She gave no sign that she heard me, still occupied with beating the life out of the meth head beneath her.

The ground was covered with ice and snow, making my boots slip and slide as I ran. The only thing keeping me from falling before reaching her was momentum. I grabbed her by the shoulders and yanked her away. She continued to swing her bloody fists wildly and once I had her up against the chain link fence, she finally landed a punch directly into my right breast, almost knocking the wind out of me. "Fucking ow!" I seized her wrists, pinning them at either side of her head as she struggled against me. "Piper, it's me! Calm the fuck down!"

Slowly, she stopped fighting back and, through the blonde hair that had fallen to cover her face, she stared at me. I watched as her large, unfocused pupils shrank and her crazed look turned to panic, her clenched jaw going slack. I saw the recognition flash in her eyes as her gaze travelled past me and I turned my head to follow her line of sight, taking in the scene.

Doggett was damn near unrecognizable, swelling and blood covering her face. Red seeped into the snow from her mouth and I had no idea whether she was alive.

It really wasn't surprising that it had come to this. I always knew something would happen; that Doggett would take her overzealous bullshit too far. What I didn't expect was that it would be Piper who finally laid the bitch flat.

Still clutching Piper's wrists, I turned back to face her when I felt her begin to shake violently.

"Oh, God," she breathed, repeating the words several times. If it hadn't been for the severe shitty-ness of her current situation, I probably would have pointed out the irony of her words.

Having dealt with junkies, I knew a psychotic break when I saw one. She had blacked out from adrenaline and rage and was now in shock as she came to terms with her actions and, despite the fact that the last thing I wanted was to get tangled in another one of her messes, I couldn't just leave her.

"Hey!" I said loudly, trying to snap her out of her hysterics, "Look at me." It took a few seconds but she stopped whimpering, her eyes meeting mine. "We don't have much time before someone comes looking for you. You have to tell me what happened. Now."

"She-she was going to kill me," Piper whispered. "She cut me and I..." she trailed off, her eyes unfocusing once more.

I was losing her, again. Releasing her wrists, I took hold of her shoulders. "What did she cut you with, Piper? Where is the weapon?"

Her eyes scanned the ground before she raised a shaking hand and pointed towards the sharpened cross laying a few feet away from Doggett's body.

"Of course," I muttered and let her go. "Are there any others?"

She nodded, "I had a screwdriver... but I dropped it."

"You had a screwdriver? Are you serious? What the fuck were you thinking?!" I couldn't believe she would carry that around with her. Just being caught with it would add another five years to her sentence.

She started to cry and I silently cursed. If I didn't stay calm it would only make her more likely to lose it again. I searched the ground and found the screwdriver, kicking it towards Doggett.

"It's okay. You just have to tell them that they were both hers, alright?" Piper nodded. "Where did she cut you?"

She held out her hand, palm up, and I saw the small gash that extended from the bottom of her palm and downwards across her wrist. It wasn't very deep, but the exertion from her punches had made a it bleed quite a bit.

"Alex... Is she...?" Piper asked in a small voice, her eyes darting from mine to the body.

I honestly couldn't tell if Doggett was breathing or not, but I knew I had to convince Piper that she was. "She's just unconscious," I lied. "But you need to play this off as self-defense."

"It was self-defense!" she cried, sinking against the fence.

"Piper," I began, trying to keep my voice calm and steady, "You had her unconscious and disarmed on the ground and you kept hitting her. You went past self-defense. I get that you weren't in control, but if they figure that out you'll definitely be sent to Psych." That is, if she's not dead, I thought to myself. If she was dead and all Piper had to show was a small scratch, she'd be sent to Max. The fact was, if someone came at you with two weapons and you only had fists to protect yourself, their resulting death would mean excessive force. But I couldn't explain this to Piper in her current state of mind.

"I cant- I can't go to Psych, Alex," she said, shaking her head. "I'd rather die than go to Psych!"

"Just let me think," I told her firmly.

She wrapped her arms around herself and let her chin fall against her chest. "Healy didn't do anything. He just walked away... He's going to have me sent to Psych, I know it."

I had seen Healy standing by the door before I came out and had to hide until he disappeared down the hall. "He was blocking the door," I whispered to myself when I realized he had known what was happening. "That sick fuck..."

Now I knew Piper was in some serious shit. Healy had a lot of say in her fate and if it was our word against his, he would win.

I swallowed and tried to think of a plan, only coming up with one as time was running out. I picked up the cross and slowly began walking towards Piper.

She looked up at the sound of snow crunching beneath my boots and gave me a confused look, "Alex, what are you doing?"

My heart pounded and I second guessed myself but there didn't seem to be another option. "What are you willing to do to avoid Psych?" I asked her.

"Anything," she answered quickly.

I nodded and held out the cross, "Then, you'll have to stab yourself."

Her eyes went wide, "Are you fucking kidding? What good will that do besides scream 'crazy'?"

"If you stab yourself then the fact that it was self-defense will be undeniable; Healy won't be able to argue it. You say she stabbed you and they'll believe you. They'll be so afraid that Larry will write about it, they'll probably give you anything to keep quiet."

Her breathing became harsher, "Larry left me. You know that."

"Yea, but they don't."

"Alex, this is crazy..."

I knew she was right, but if I was in her place, I'd do it in a heartbeat. "It's up to you, Pipes. But we're running out of time. Unless you have a better plan..."

She bit her lip and stared at the cross, confliction and fear in her eyes. "I can't..." she said finally. "I can't do it myself..." Her eyes met mine. "Will you do it?"

I stepped back and shook my head, "I can't stab you, Piper."

"Please, Alex. I won't be able to do it," she begged, tears running down her face. "I know I've already asked too much of you and you just being here could be really bad for you, but you wouldn't be here if you didn't still care about me."

My hands were shaking as nausea settled in my stomach. I knew that this could save her life, but I never thought I'd be in this situation. And having her point out the obvious didn't make me feel any better. Why did I have to care so much?

Pulling myself together, I focused on my breathing and moved closer to her. "Where should I do it?"

I watched as she swallowed and slowly took the end of the cross, guiding it to the lower right side of her stomach, above her hip.

I held it steady, staring into her eyes.

"Thank you," she whispered, putting her hands on my shoulders to brace herself.

I held her gaze and said, "This doesn't mean we're okay."


	2. Chapter 2

Alright, you convinced me. You guys made me feel bad about leaving it a one -shot so i decided to continue lol thank you all for the reviews! Im still figuring out the storyline for this, right now all i can really say is piper and alex are definitely endgame. Hope you enjoy and any ideas or feedback will be much appreciated =)

Alex

It wasn't as easy as the movies made it seem. Maybe it was because the cross wasn't that sharp- though, it looked pretty damn sharp- it didn't go in as easily as I imagined it would. Not that I ever imagined I'd be stabbing someone.

I tried to do it quick; a hard jab and then a fast retreat. The feeling of the weapon tearing through her flesh was sickening enough and I had to fight the urge to vomit.

Her eyes went wide at the moment the weapon pierced her skin, the tendons in her neck straining as she gritted her teeth and her eyes watered, pupils dilating. Apparently she either had an extensive threshold for pain or was unable to cry out because of the shock.

I stepped back when she let go of my shoulders, her hand immediately pressing against the fresh wound with a low, harsh groan of pain.

"Shiiit!"

I used my hands instinctively; one covering her mouth and the other grasping her arm to hold her up. We couldn't risk someone hearing us.

"Are you okay?" I asked before I realized what an incredibly stupid question it was.

"What the fuck do you think?" she rasped, her words muffled by my hand. She pushed it away, grimacing while she attempted to stand up straight.

"Right. Sorry. We don't have much time." I was careful not to get any of the blood coating the cross on my sleeve, trying to wipe away any possible fingerprints. The chance that they would take the investigation that far was nonexistent, I knew, but it seemed like something that had to be done. I set the cross back where I found it, then turned to Piper, "You have to make it look like she did it before you attacked her."

"How?"

"I don't know! Get some of your blood on her hand and shit."

Piper gave me an uneasy look, her face already becoming paler and blood soaking her shirt, slowly spreading downwards. Without any argument, she staggered over to Doggett, wincing in pain as she leaned down to grab the girl's hand with her own bloodied one. Then she wiped some on her shirt. "Is that good enough?" she grounded out through gritted teeth.

"I hope so..." It's not like I was an expert at manipulating crime scenes. "I have to go. If they catch me out here-"

"I know," she breathed, "Go. I've got it from here."

I nodded, not sure if there was anything else left to say. With a final look at the scene, I turned and headed towards the door.

I slowly inched it open, peering inside to see if the coast was clear. Luckily, it was.

After sneaking in and making sure the door didn't slam, I hurried down the hall and towards the bathroom, my palms sweating like crazy and my heart pounding hard in my chest.

I was heaving by the time I reached the toilet, bending over the bowl and letting loose the contents of my stomach.

"Damn, girl!" I heard Taystee say. "What's with that? You a'ight?"

I flushed the toilet and made my way to the sink, "I'm fine." I rinsed my mouth out and looked up into the mirror, only to see Taystee's reflection, still in her pageant costume, raise an eyebrow. When I didn't say anything, she shrugged.

"Whateva," she said, turning and leaving the room.

I stared at my own reflection for a few seconds then took off my glasses, setting them by the sink, and splashed the cold water on my face. I continued to focus on my breathing, willing the nausea and chills away.

A few moments later, I heard shouting coming from down the hall. There were too many voices to distinguish any actual words, but I knew Piper and Doggett had been found.

Grabbing my glasses and putting them back on, I made my way towards the chaos. When I turned down the hall where all the guards and other inmates were crowded, I was immediately ambushed by Nicky and Morello, both giving me hesitant looks.

"What's going on?" I tried to act as clueless as possible.

"Dude, Chapman got fucking knifed," Nicky said in a low voice.

I didn't know how I was supposed to react without seeming suspicious, so I just stared at them.

Nicky studied my face for a second before taking a step back and pulling Morello with her. "You're lookin' kinda green, Vause. You ain't gonna puke, are you? "

I heard the guards shouting 'Get back!', followed by Caputo yelling, "Get them out of here! Any inmate not in their room in five minutes gets a shot!"

The guards began herding the rowdy crowd backwards and it didn't take long for me to spot Healy, who somehow must have sensed me staring at him and turned his head. Then he held my gaze and smirked. The fucking bastard smirked at me.

I spun on my heel and headed for my room, afraid that if I didn't get out of there, I'd do something stupid.

"Aren't you gonna ask if she's okay?" Morello spoke up, her and Nicky both following me.

Keeping my eyes dead ahead, I replied, "If she's been stabbed then I'm guessing she's not 'okay'."

"She's got a point," Nicky said.

"Well, yea, but there are, like, different levels of stabbing. Like, there's bad and then there's real bad, ya know? But she was still kinda walking so I think it's just bad," Morello explained.

We were a couple feet away from the doors when Taystee and Poussey came out, laughing. They stopped when they saw us and the inmates coming down the hall behind us.

"Yo, what's going on?" Taystee asked, stopping us.

"Chapman got knifed. Didn't see anyone else, but I think it's obvious who did it," Nicky answered.

"Whoa! Hold up," Poussey said, looking at me, "Your girl got stabbed?"

"She's not my girl," I told her firmly before pushing past them and opening the door.

"Damn..." I heard Poussey say before it closed. "You white bitches is cold."

I sat down heavily on my bed and regretted it immediately, seeing as it wasn't actually a bed, just a hard metal frame.

The other inmates started coming in, talking loud, some were even laughing. I sighed, pushing myself back against wall and tucking my knees to my chest.

"You wanna talk about it?" Nicky stood just outside the cubicle, her arms crossed over her chest.

I shook my head. "I'm fine."

She nodded, "Right. Well, you know where to find me."

Once she had gone, my bunkie, Leann, came shuffling in with red-rimmed eyes. She looked at me and opened her mouth to say something but I cut her off before she could, setting her with the most intimidating glare I could muster, "Not a fucking word, Devil's Reject."

Her mouth instantly snapped shut and she silently got into her bed, pulling the covers over her and facing the wall.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, I made the same mental pact with myself that I had already broken for what seemed like the hundredth time; I would stay the fuck away from Piper Chapman.

Piper

Everything was blurry and bright when I opened my eyes and the last thing I remembered was being in the ambulance. I squinted up into the florescent lights of the hospital room and tried to figure out why there wasn't any pain. When I attempted to move my right hand to feel for the stab wound, I realized it was tied down. I slowly turned my head and observed the thick plastic zip-tie that looped around my wrist and the bed rail.

For some reason, this didn't even seem to bother me. Then I spotted movement out of the corner of my eye and looked over to see Larry stand up from the chair he'd been sitting in on the far side of the room. He approached hesitantly, a tentative smile on his face. "Hey, Pipes," he said softly. "How are you feeling?"

I smiled as I considered his question for a moment, then answered, "I don't think I feel... anything." Then I began to laugh, even though I had no idea why, and then voiced that exact thought to Larry. "I don't know what's funny... but I can't... stop."

He let out a laugh of his own, "I think that's the drugs talking. You had surgery, so they put you on intravenous pain meds."

That explained it; I was high as fuck. I laughed again. Who knew feeling nothing could feel so damn good? Wait... he said something about surgery, right? "Sur-ger-y. What a weird word... whoa. Weird word," I rambled, now thinking about how strange it was to make a 'W' sound.

"Piper?" Larry bit his lip before smiling again, "You okay?"

"I'm fucking great! What about you?" My words came out slow and slurred, only causing me to giggle more. Oh, God, I was actually giggling.

"I'm just glad you're okay," he said, sitting down in the chair by my bed. He clasped his hands together and stared down at them. "Pipes, I am so sorry. I should've listened when you told me you were in trouble... I could've stopped this from happening."

"S'okay, Larry," I said, then chuckled at what a ridiculous name 'Larry' was. Why hadn't I noticed that before? The meds had definitely taken away the filter between my brain and mouth, because I told him those exact things.

He raised his eyebrows, "I guess it kind of is, isn't it?"

I nodded, my mind now moving on to the events that led me here. Going through them, I got stuck on one certain thing. "Where's Alex?" Now, 'Alex', that was a great name. It was a fucking sexy name. It rolled off the tongue and it... now, it was getting rather hot in here.

Larry was staring at me and I could tell by his face that I had definitely said everything that I was thinking. I busted out laughing, knowing that I had seriously pissed him off and just not caring. It felt good.

"She saved my life," I told him. "She saved me."

"What are you talking about? One of the guards found you."

I smiled, feeling weightless and free despite my hand being tied to the bed. Drowsiness began to get the better off me. "I lied, Larry."

His eyebrows drew together, "What do you mean?"

Sleep made my eyelids heavy and I stopped fighting to keep them open. "I want to go to Cambodia."


	3. Chapter 3

I'm glad you guys are liking the story, and thaks for all the reviews, favorites and follows. I've sort of got an idea of where this is going now but any feedback or ideas are welcome. Just like the show, its going to be a bumpy ride, but I'll try not to disappoint =)

Piper

When I woke up, they moved me to a different room. This one was smaller than the last, but at least I had my own room with my own personal man-in-blue standing guard outside the door.

It was three o'clock in the afternoon and the doctor had just left. I didn't understand most of the terminology he had mumbled and I could tell he was judging me. Who could blame him? For all he knew, I was just another lowlife who had done something terrible- like assault or murder- to be incarcerated, and then got into a trivial fight about territory in the yard, resulting in my being stabbed. Or maybe he thought I had done this to myself in order to get out of prison for the holidays. I mean, whatever food this place had to offer would most likely be better than Litchfield's, right?

Anyway, he told me my injury had been rather un-fatal, which I thought was a good thing, but I didn't miss the apparent disappointment in his tone. My intestine had suffered a small tear and they had had to remove my appendix since it had also been 'knicked'. Thinking back to when Alex had asked where she should stab me, I was grateful that my knowledge of human anatomy hadn't been far off.

I looked over to the door when it opened unexpectedly. Seeing Fig enter, I heard the heart monitor spike and fought to control my anxiety. If I wasn't careful, that damn monitor would give me away, seeing as I knew she wasn't here just to say 'hi'.

"Miss Chapman," she greeted in her usual nonchalant tone. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine. I feel fine. What about you?"

She raised an eyebrow and glanced at the monitor as it spiked again. Turning her eyes back to me, she made her way to the chair beside my bed, her high heels making an obnoxiously loud 'click-clacking' noise against the linoleum floors. Once she was seated, she crossed one leg over the other and rested her her hands on top of her knee, leaning forward, "This is not how I would like to be spending my holiday, so let's say we just skip the niceties and cut to the chase, alright?" She stared at me expectantly as I swallowed down my rising fear and concentrated on keeping my heart rate steady. When I nodded, she continued, "I don't think we really need to go over what happened. You acted in self-defense, am I correct?"

I nodded again, not trusting my voice.

"Good. Now, here's how we can make this easy for both of us; first off, Caputo brought it to my attention that you were involved in the incident that landed Doggett in Psych." I opened my mouth to speak but she held up a hand to silence me. "You don't need to confirm this, I've seen the report of your confession. The reason I bring this up is, well, you put her in there, then you had her released, and a few days later you two have an altercation that leaves one of you with a stab wound and the other in a coma."

The monitor went crazy, "She... she's in a coma?" My mind couldn't even begin to process this information before Fig began to speak again.

"Broken nose, broken jaw, fractured vertebrae, cranial swelling... and so on. So, you see how the chain of events that led up to this could be bad for you. Reviewing the records, some people might believe that you had her released from Psych to gain your vengeance for whatever you two were fighting about."

I felt like I might pass out. The doctor said that elevated heart rates were a bad sign during recovery and I feared the nurses would come in when they saw what was going on with my heart monitor. "I-I didn't... That's not true!"

"Relax and let me finish," she said, leaning back and crossing her arms over her chest as she waited for me to calm down. I managed to get my heart rate down to an almost normal pace after a minute of focused breathing. "Now, I told you I could make this easy for both of us, and here's how; I can make it so such things as vengeance and previous incidents stay out of the report. It can easily be believed that Doggett came after you for putting her in Psych and you, being injured and scared, may have gone a little overboard while fearing for your life."

I considered her offer, knowing that everything she said was true. There really wasn't a choice to make. "I suppose that you'll want something in return for this?"

She smiled, "Just your word that your husband will keep this quiet; no articles, no radio shows, etcetera. You don't really want the Feds investigating you, do you? Making this a cut-and-dry, straightforward act of self-defense is in everyone's best interest."

I nodded, realizing Alex had been right; they would do anything to avoid scandal or a bad reputation. Obviously, Fig had a lot to hide and having the Feds sniffing around Litchfield was something she needed to stop from happening, which was a good thing but also a bad thing. It was bad because it meant there was no use telling her about what Healy had done; nothing would happen to him. "If I get Larry to agree to this, then I won't get any sort of punishment, right?"

"You'll go back and serve your sentence with no added time. And, pending a mandatory Psych evaluation, you'll stay in minimum security."

I bit my lip, wondering what a Psych evaluation entailed. It couldn't be too bad, and I was sure that this deal was better than any other I'd be offered. There was just one thing that I had to ask, "Is there any chance you could assign me a different counselor?"

Alex

I sat in the cafeteria, picking at the noodles in front of me. I had to admit they were better now that Red wasn't running the kitchen, but I couldn't bring myself to eat. My stomach was still queasy and I was lucky to go five minutes without thinking about last night's events. I had completely skipped breakfast despite not getting barely any sleep. At least I was able to catch a long 5 a.m. shower.

A tray plopped down across from me and I looked up to see Nicky take a seat.

"You look like shit," she pointed out.

"Thanks."

"No problem." She took a bite of her food and then set the fork down. "How long you gonna keep this 'I'm fine' bullshit up?"

I stared at her for a second before asking, "Have you heard anything about Gina?"

She rolled her eyes, my attempt to change the subject wasn't at all subtle. "Fine, have it your way. No, I haven't heard anything yet. From what I'm told about the burns, she'll probably be gone for at least another week."

I nodded and continued to stare silently at my tray until we were joined by an overly excited Morello.

"You won't believe what I just heard!" she whispered conspiratorially, leaning over towards me and Nicky.

"What'd you hear?" Nicky pressed when the girl took the seat beside her.

Morello looked around the cafeteria before leaning in again, "So, get this; Big Boo said that she heard from Taystee, who heard from Black Cindy, who heard from-"

"Dude!" Nicky cut her off, exasperated. "Enough with the grapevine shit, just tell us!" I had to bite my lips to keep from laughing.

Morello sat back and furrowed her eyebrows, "Jeez, Nichols. What's your problem?" When Nicky just shook her head, she continued, "Anyway, Big Boo told me that Poussey overheard Bennett and O'Neill talking this morning. It turns out Pennsatucky is in a freaking coma!"

"Holy shit," Nicky breathed then laughed. "Who woulda thunk Chapman could throw down?"

I wasn't sure whether to be relieved that Doggett wasn't dead or not. Being in a coma didn't exactly mean she was in the clear.

"Did they say anything about Piper?" I asked, hating myself when I realized how desperate I sounded.

Nicky gave me a look of amusement and I tried to ignore it.

"Boo didn't say anything about her," Morello answered apologetically. "But, you know, that's probably a good thing. If she was dead or something, everyone would know by now, don't you think, Nicky?"

The blonde nodded, "That's true. Plus, if she can get knifed and then beat a bitch into a coma without it slowing her down then it couldn't have been that bad."

I stood up and grabbed my tray, "I'll see you guys, later."

The thought going through my head as I left the cafeteria was one that I resented. I couldn't stop myself from believing that I wouldn't be okay until I could see that she was. But once I did, once I knew she was okay, I'd be done with her. I had to be.

I was walking back towards the laundry room when Black Cindy came walking down the opposite way.

"Yo, your girl's like the new Miss Claudette! Ain't nobody gonna fuck with her, now," she called out at me with a laugh then continued on her way.

I clenched my jaw in frustration and annoyance, "She's not my girl."

Piper

It wasn't long after Fig had left that Larry came in, startling me.

"Hey, you seem more alert today," he observed with a smile.

I gave him a confused look, "What are you talking about? Why are you here, Larry?"

He shrugged, seeming nervous, "Well, us Jews.. we don't really celebrate Christmas, but I figured I'd get you a present."

I raised my eyebrows, shocked that he was being so nice to me after he had broken off our engagement just the day before. "A present?"

He nodded and walked closer, pulling out a brown paper bag, "Before you say anything about the bag, it was necessary since the nurses would've tackled me if they saw me bringing you this," he reached in the bag and pulled out a pint of my favorite organic ice cream from Whole Foods and a plastic spoon. My mouth started watering right along with my eyes. "Because of your surgery, I know you can't eat anything solid or else I would've gotten something else, but here," he explained, handing it to me. "Merry Christmas."

"Thank you," I whispered. As much as I wanted to taste the ice cream, I had to ask again, "Not that I don't appreciate it, because I really do, but... Why are you here? I thought you hated me."

He sighed and sat down, reaching out to put a hand over mine. "Pipes, I could never hate you. I mean, I don't forgive you for what happened... not yet, at least. But I was in the wrong, too. I guess I never really understood how bad it is in there. I thought that you were exaggerating about it and I didn't see that you were actually in trouble. I can't help but feel that you being here is partially my fault."

"It's not your fault; it's mine," I assured him. "I don't blame you for not forgiving me. But I want you to know I'm sorry for all the bullshit I've put you through. You deserve better." Was it a bad thing that I didn't feel as shitty as I did yesterday about our relationship being over? I loved Larry, I knew that, but I would be okay without him. The fact that it was so easy to come to terms with this spoke volumes.

He shook his head, "When I got that call... when they told me you were in the hospital, that someone had stabbed you.. That's when it hit me, Pipes. I could've lost you, forever... And it made me realize that I don't want you out of my life."

The heart monitor spiked and I wished I could turn the damn thing off. I stared at Larry, confused. "What are you saying?"

He gave a small smile, "I'm saying that I love you, so much, and I want to make this work. We can get through this, together, like we were supposed to. That is, if you still want to."


	4. Chapter 4

So, I'm totally in agreement with you guys: Larry sucks. But he's a part of Piper's situation that has to be at least explored in the story, so he might pop up from time to time lol sorry. Hope you guys are liking the story so far and thanks for the feedback =)

Piper

Three days later, I found myself being escorted down the halls of the Psych Ward by the two officers who had picked me up from the hospital. It was embarrassing to be led out of that place and past so many people in handcuffs and the orange inmate's uniform they'd made me change into. But the level of humiliation I'd suffered was nowhere near the level of anxiety I felt, now.

Just like the SHU, there was screaming coming from all directions and the smell of human excrement polluted the air. I knew I wasn't crazy. I may have lost control with Pennsatucky, but that didn't mean I belonged in this place. The only thing I could do now was hope they didn't think I did, either.

I was led into a room where a metal cage sat in the middle, containing only a bed with no sheets, blankets or pillows. My heart dropped as a man walked up to me and took hold of my bicep, pulling me towards the cage. I didn't resist, though every cell in my body was screaming to. I knew resistance would only make my case worse and what I needed to do right now was keep calm. I wasn't going to give them any reason to think I was unstable, and I recognized what this was; an intimidation factor; a trigger for bringing out the 'crazy' by locking me in a cage and observing me like some lab rat. But, the thing was, I had been locked in a cage for over two months now. Sure, the prison was bigger, yet it was a cage all the same.

The man shut the gate behind me, taking out a key and locking it. He turned to the two officers, giving a nod, a signal that they were dismissed.

Now that I was inside the cage, I saw that the edges of the metal bed frame were protected by rubber. Though I would never say this out loud to the man I assumed was there to evaluate me, I could already see at least three ways to severely harm yourself inside here.

"Miss Chapman," the man spoke and I stopped myself from jumping at the sound. I turned to look at him. "Have a seat."

There was nowhere to sit besides the bed or the floor. Being as nervous as I was, I wasn't sure whether this was the first test. Could you tell if someone was insane by where they chose to sit down?

Okay, I was over-thinking this. Any sane person would've just sat on the bed without questioning themselves, wouldn't they?

I quickly took a seat on the bed, hoping those few prolonged seconds of uncertainty wouldn't be points against me.

He gave me a pensive look before sitting down in a black chair a few feet away from the cage with his clipboard. Then he wrote something on the clipboard. Shit.

"I'm Doctor Belsone. Do you know why you're here?" His tone was calm and patient, as if I was a child who didn't have a full grasp of language yet. It irritated me, but I couldn't let it show.

"Yes. I'm here for a psychological evaluation, sir," I answered, keeping my voice steady.

He nodded and proceeded to write something down on the clipboard. "Have you ever sought psychological therapy in the past? Ever seen any psychologists, psychiatrists or counselors?"

"No, sir."

He nods, he writes. "Have you ever been on any medications for mental wellness, any antidepressants or anti-psychotics?"

"No, sir."

He nods, he writes.

I was starting to calm down. These were straightforward questions; no Rorschach inkblots to interpret or hypothetical situations to solve. I could do this.

"Do you have a history of violence, Miss Chapman?"

"No, sir." Stay calm, these are just procedural questions, I told myself. The reason I was here was because I put a girl in a coma.

"You've never had any blackouts or lost your temper to the point where you harmed yourself or others?"

Was this a trick question? It had to be. "No, sir. I haven't."

He nodded and wrote on his clipboard for longer than I would've liked. The anxiety was returning.

"So, you're saying that, in the altercation with inmate Doggett, you did not lose your temper?"

I swallowed, "No, sir. My actions were motivated by fear more than anything."

Nod. Write. "Have you felt any feelings of remorse about what happened?"

"Every second since, sir." And that was true. Yesterday, I had been told that Doggett's condition was no longer critical. But comas were something that people never woke up from even if their bodies did heal. To have her blood on my hands made me sick to my stomach.

He looked up from his clipboard, finally, then said, "I have some questions about your relationship with inmate Vause."

Alex

"You know, you have more willpower than your girl. By the third day of Red starving her out, I thought Chapman was gonna try to eat the stuffing outta her pillow," Nicky said.

I stayed silent, staring down at the food in front of me. I wasn't in the mood for pointless observations. I hadn't really eaten anything since before the Christmas pangeant, and the few small bites I had taken over the past days I couldn't keep down. My unwilling starvation coupled with the sleepless nights had left me dazed. I was constantly dizzy and constantly out of it. I couldn't believe I was doing this to myself over Piper.

It killed me that she had made me so weak.

"What? You're not gonna bitch at me for calling her 'your girl'?" Nicky asked after a minute. "Shit, Vause. Messing with you ain't fun anymore. It's just fucking depressing." She sighed when I still didn't say anything. "So, did you hear Luschek got suspended?"

I looked up at this, "Why?"

She dramatically expressed her surprise, "It speaks!"

I rolled my eyes, "Are you gonna tell me?"

"See? No fun." She shook her head then explained, "Turns out Pennsatucky had that screwdriver that went missing a few weeks back. Luschek confessed to buying a new one to replace it, so he got suspended for 'inmate endangerment' or some shit."

"They never fire anyone around here, do they?" Hearing about Luschek only made me think about Healy and how much that asshole bigot deserved to be locked up.

"Guess not," Nicky said with a shrug.

The other inmates started clearing out of the cafeteria. I stood up with my tray of untouched food. "I'll see you later," I told Nicky and she nodded.

I walked slowly down the halls to the laundry room. It was weird how the lack of food and sleep was affecting me. It seemed as though the lights were always flickering and the hallways felt and looked as though they went on for miles. I fought to reel myself in and pay attention to my surroundings, almost brushing up against the wall a few times, unable to walk straight. There was a constant static buzzing in my head that wouldn't go away.

"Hey, Vause, you alright?" It was Big Boo who asked this, walking towards me.

"I'm fine."

She studied me closely, obviously not believing me but she nodded anyway. "Morello said she saw Chapman this morning."

With her words, I felt myself become more alert. "Piper's back? Is she okay?"

Boo shrugged, "Morello said she looked fine, but..." she gave me an uneasy look as her words trailed off.

"But, what?"

"Well, they were taking her to Psych, so I don't know when she'll be back... if she's coming back."

My stomach twisted and if it had had anything in it to lose, I would've puked right there. Instead, I nodded and continued walking.

It was my fault she even ended up in this place, and even though she continued to hurt me, I knew I'd never get over that guilt. I had tried to save her, possibly sacrificing my sanity in the process, and I had failed. At this point, there was nothing I could do to help her. At least the stab wound hadn't killed her.

My mind was going off in all sorts of directions and I lacked the concentration to follow any tangents.

I walked into the laundry room and began to occupy myself with loading clothes into the washer, unloading clothes from the dryer, and folding clothes into neat, little piles. Soon, my mind was blank. All I knew was clothes.

It was hard to tell how much time had passed before I heard her voice.

"Alex?"

I froze while taking a load of laundry out of the dryer and turned my head slowly to see her standing a few feet away.

"Jesus, Alex, you look terrible," she whispered, beginning to walk over to me.

I took a step back and she stopped. I wasn't sure whether or not I could trust what I was seeing. I stared at her for a few seconds and decided that she was, in fact, actually there.

Leann came out from the other side of the machines, carrying clothes to the table to fold. When she spotted Piper, her eyes went wide and she dropped the clothes on the table before practically running out the door.

"I'm guessing she's the one who broke your glasses again?" Piper said softly.

If I hadn't been completely sure that Leann was the reason I came out of the shower to broken glasses for the second time, I was now.

I took a deep breath. "You're back?"

"Yea."

I nodded and continued to remove the clothes from the dryer. She was okay. Now I could be okay, too. The relief was there, but I was still too out of it to really process it at this moment.

She was still standing there, watching me.

I focused on the task at hand and said, "If you have clothes that need washed, just leave your bag on table."

There was silence, so I looked over to see if she'd left. She hadn't.

"That's it? Really?" Her expression was a mixture of confusion and shock. "You're just going to pretend like nothing happened?"

For some reason, the way she spoke to me made me instantly angry. "Yes, and it's exactly how you should be acting, too. As far as I'm concerned, nothing did happen."

"Alex, I'm not going to tell anyone- I haven't told anyone! You can't really think I'd do that to you," she said, and tried to move closer, making me step back again.

"Listen, I'm glad you're alright, but I meant what I said. This doesn't mean we're okay, so just go, Piper. You do your thing and I'll do mine." I slammed the dryer door shut and busied myself with folding the newly dried clothes.

"I can't," she finally said.

"It's not that fucking hard. Just turn around and walk away," I told her.

"No, Alex, I mean I can't leave. They've assigned me to laundry duty because of my injury and they don't want me around tools. I work here, now."

My heart dropped into my empty stomach. Seriously, fuck my life.


	5. Chapter 5

I was gonna post this sooner but I havent had internet the past few days. thanks for all the feed back, I love hearing what you guys think of the story, keep it up!

Piper

Okay, so she was upset that she'd have to see me everyday now. That was understandable after everything we'd put eachother through recently. But I couldn't help the sinking feeling in my chest at her cold reaction. I guess it was stupid for me to think she would be happy to see me.

"Well, I don't think Leann's coming back any time soon, so you can fold those," Alex said after a minute, nodding towards the pile on the table.

I made myself busy, not knowing what else to say, if there even was anything to say. She wouldn't look at me, but I was constantly glancing over at her. She was paler than usual, which, for Alex, was saying something. Her skin had taken on a grayish- almost translucent- quality, and the bags under her eyes were a deep bluish-purple. She obviously hadn't been sleeping. I hoped the reason for that was the fact that she was sleeping without a mattress.

While I was in the hospital, I had time to really think about what caused me to lose control the night of the pageant. At first, I was still mad at Alex. I was pissed that she had seemingly been the reason why Larry broke up with me. She had obviously said some things to him that weren't exactly in my favor. But, after getting past the anger, I tried to stop being the narcissistic asshole she claimed I was. I tried to see it from her side.

The person I saw through her eyes was someone I didn't know. She was right; I was always trying to justify my actions by putting the consequences on other people's shoulders. When she said that, we were talking about how I was the reason Pennsatucky went to Psych.

The truth was I didn't come clean about my part in the incident because I actually cared about what would happen to Doggett. I went to Caputo and confessed because I wanted to prove to Alex, even though she'd told me it was a bad idea, that I could take responsibility for my own mistakes.

Then, Doggett came after me and I made another mistake. I made a terrible mistake and Alex had fixed it. Despite my leading her on and crushing her again, she had been there when no one else was and she saved me.

I sighed and continued working in silence. How many people would stab someone and help them cover up a crime? I knew if Larry had been here, he wouldn't have risked getting ten or more years added to his sentence. It may have been a fucked up way to find out, but that was what showed me that she would do anything for me even though I caused her so much pain. If that isn't love, than I don't know what is.

But I knew it was too late to go back. To tell her I had made a mistake by choosing Larry. That would just be cruel after everything I've done to her. No, I had to deal with my mistakes and live with my choices. If I really loved her, I would respect the fact that she didn't want anything to do with me.

I actually laughed out loud in disgust at myself because even as I thought those things I knew they weren't true. I wasn't going to be the bigger person and I was still mad at her. I couldn't help it.

She looked over at me with a confused expression, but didn't say anything.

"This is bullshit," I muttered, shaking my head.

"What?"

"It's bullshit, Alex. Everything that's happened..." I trailed off, overwhelmed with so many different emotions. I felt tears sting my eyes and fought to swallow them back. "Just... nevermind. Forget it."

She stared at me for a few seconds, then went back to what she'd been doing. Nothing else was said and soon it was time to close the laundry room and go to dinner. She left before me and, instead of heading to the cafeteria, I made my way towards my bunk, which luckily, hadn't been given away in my absence. It was a small relief that I would still be sharing a cube with Taystee. Maybe I wouldn't be as nervous about one of Doggett's lackies coming for vengeance while I slept. Though, judging by Leann's reaction, I didn't think they would try to fuck with me now.

I had been sent straight to work after Caputo said I had been cleared by Psych, so I'd only seen Alex so far. I wasn't sure what to expect from the other inmates.

When I entered the Ghetto, there were only a few inmates walking around. They either catcalled or averted their eyes as I walked past.

"Yo, Chapman! You're back? I though fo' sho' they was gonna send yo ass down the hill," Poussey said, walking out of her cube with Taystee and Black Cindy.

"Shit, I thought I was gonna get a new roomie. Now I gotta watch my back around this bitch," Taystee remarked before smiling to show me she was kidding. At least, I hoped she was. "Is it true you broke the bitch's neck?"

Black Cindy cut in, "Yea, man. I know I said you should kill her but I didn't think you was actually gonna try." She held out a closed fist and I hesitantly tapped my knuckles to hers. "Respect."

"Damn straight," Poussey added.

I let out an uneasy laugh,"Thanks. Um... Taystee, do you think you could help me with something? It'll only take a minute."

Her eyebrows drew together and she looked me up and down, "You ain't gonna try and put me in a coma, too, are you?"

"What? No! I just-"

They all started laughing.

"Yo, I'm just playin', vanilla," Taystee said. "Yea, I'll help you, but it best be quick 'cause I ain't missing dinner. 'Bout time they added some flavor, know what I'm sayin'?"

"Uh, yea. No, it'll be quick, I promise."

Alex

I was on my way to the cafeteria when Nicky came out of nowhere, grabbing my arm and pulling me into the utility closet so fast my head felt like it was spinning.

"Whoa, what the fuck, man?" I whispered once she closed the door, putting a hand against the wall to steady myself.

"Here. Take this." She held out her cupped hand and I saw a round pinkish ball in her palm.

"Is that a pill? What the hell are you doing with that?"

"Chill, Vause, it's Marinol. You know, liquid weed?"

"I know what Marinol is, but where did you get that?"

She raised her eyebrows, "Not important. Just fucking take it, will ya? I'm getting sick of you not eating or sleeping. This is a simple solution."

I stared at the pill, "I haven't smoked in like, three years."

"Good, then it'll have more of an effect," she reasoned. "Quit being a fucking pussy."

I glared at her but took the offering.

"Make sure you bite down. Us junkies don't bother with that 'slow release' shit," she explained with a smile. I did as she said and then she nodded, turning around and opening the door. "Shall we?"

I started to feel it after we'd gotten our food and sat down at a table with Big Boo and Yoga Jones. I was actually hungry, my stomach growling with a vengeance after being deprived for so long. I didn't pay attention to the conversation around me while I ate, trying not to seem as stoned as I was.

I looked up to see Nicky watching me with amusement.

"Fuck you," I said with a small laugh. I was grateful to her, though. It was nice to know that someone actually gave a shit about me in here.

"You, uh, want my muffin?" she asked suggestively and pushed the dessert towards me.

I bit my lips to keep from laughing out loud then nodded and grabbed it, placing it on my tray, "Thanks."

"Anytime," she quipped.

It was a few minutes later when I saw Piper walk in. The cafeteria went almost completely silent for a couple seconds as she entered with Taystee, then everything was louder than before. A bunch of inmates, including Big Boo, Yoga Jones, and Morello, got out of their seats and went up to her while the rest gossiped and observed. I chanced a glance to the table where Pennsatucky's worshippers sat. Some were sneering at the scene while others looked scared. I didn't miss the fact that Leann wasn't sitting with them.

Rolling my eyes, I turned back to my food and Nicky, who had remained in her seat.

"Stop crowding, inmates. Back to your seats," Bennett shouted and the 'welcome wagon' dispersed.

"How you doing, Vause?" Nicky asked. I heard the genuine concern in her voice and knew by her expression that if I said I was fine one more time she'd probably lean across the table and bitch-slap me.

I didn't want here to go to the SHU, so I shrugged and said, "I'll be okay."

It seemed she was satisfied with that answer.

Piper and Taystee sat down at the table in front of us and I tried not to look at her, though she was facing me.

Sophia, Taystee and and the rest of the people she was sitting with were talking pretty loud so it was hard not to overhear the conversation.

"You lucky, ya know? At least, you got to eat hospital food for the holidays," Watson said.

"Well, I'll tell y'all this," Sophia said, "when I was in college, the lunch lady said they like, fill that shit with fiber so it don't stay in your system too long 'cause it's so bad for you."

"You went to college?" Piper asked, surprised, and I nearly choked on the piece of broccoli I was eating.

Nicky let out a snort of laughter but quickly covered her mouth as the other table went silent.

I watched as Sophia turned to Piper with her eyebrows raised, "Bitch, you did not just say that, soundin' all incredulous and shit."

Piper's eyes went wide as everyone around her stared, "That-that came out wrong. I didn't mean it like that, I-I'm sorry," she stuttered.

"Mm-hm," Sophia muttered, "To answer your question; yea, I went to college," she lifted her chin and flipped her hair dramatically, before adding, "for half a semester."

The table broke out into laughter at this and Piper relaxed. I shook my head and chuckled to myself. She was always putting her foot in her mouth like that. Luckily, this time it didn't turn out too bad.

When dinner was over, I left the cafeteria with Nicky and Morello and we went back to our bunks. I was still really feeling the Marinol, so at first,l when I sat on my bed, I thought I was just really high and thats why I felt a comfortable, floating sensation. Then I realized it was due to the fact that there was an actual mattress beneath me. I stood up and stared down at it. They had finally gotten me a new one. I felt a wave of happiness come over me. It wasn't much, but after the past few days it felt almost foreign.

"Would ya look at that," Morello said from outside my cube, "You got yourself a new mattress, Alex. That's exciting, isn't it?"

I laughed, "Yea, it actually is."

"Hey, Nicky!" Morello called out, "Vause got a mattress!"

Nicky walked over and looked between us, "Yea. So?"

"Isn't that exciting?" Morello asked her.

Nicky stared at us both like we were crazy, "Okay, I know why Vause is grinning like a fucking idiot, but I don't remember slipping you any special treats, Lorna. Am I missin' somethin' here?"

"Oh, c'mon, Nick. Can't you just find joy in the little things?" Morello said.

Nicky looked at me and I shrugged.

"Right," she said slowly, "I'm just gonna go... over there."

"Whateva." Lorna turned back to me, "I'm really happy for you, Alex."

Now I could see she really was acting strange. "Uh... thanks?"

She smiled and nodded before walking away.

I laid down on top of the bed, enjoying the feeling of floating. I was about to drift off when I heard someone open the cell block door, forcefully.

I sat up as Mr. Healy stomped over to my cube, Leann following close behind him.

"Get up, inmate," he growled, "You're going to the SHU."

Piper

I had just taken a shower and gotten my antibiotics from the nurse when I returned to my bunk, only to find my mattress thrown haphazardly on its frame. I gritted my teeth in frustration and threw my shower things on top of my locker.

This was so like her. I try to give her a fucking peace offering and she throws it back in my face. At least I made up her bed after sneaking the mattress over to her cube with Taystee.

"Yo-" Taystee began, but I cut her off.

"Not now." I stormed out of the Ghetto and headed to Alex's cube. When I saw she wasn't there, I went to Nicky's. "Where is she?" I spat, ready to flip out at anyone who even looked at me wrong.

Nicky jumped up, "Who?"

"Alex. Where's Alex?"

She sighed, "Oh. You don't know..."

Now, I was getting a little nervous, seeing Nicky's unusually demure demeanor. "Know what? Where is she?"

"Healy came and dragged her off to the SHU after dinner. He was going on about her stealing a mattress."

My heart seized in my chest and I brought my hands up to cover my mouth. "Oh, God, no, no, no..."

Nicky took my reaction the wrong way, "She didn't steal it, Chapman. I was there when she found it. She was happy... she thought that the guards put it there. But Leann was with Healy so its obvious that bitch set her up."

I shook my head, "I gave her the mattress..."

"What?"

"I-I put it there during dinner. She just looked so tired... I thought- Holy fuck, what have I done?" I spun around and rushed to Alex's cube and just now saw how the blankets and pillow were on the floor. If I hadn't been so mad, that would've tipped me off right away that something was wrong. Alex was a neat freak to the point where I was sure she had some level of OCD.

I had to tell the guards that they got it wrong. I was the idiot who put the mattress there. And Healy just wanted a reason to put her in the SHU. The last thing I wanted to do was speak to Healy, but I had to at least try.

I made my way to his office. The door was open and he was sitting at his desk, O'Neill was standing in front of it.

"Mr. Healy, Alex didn't steal that mattress, I put it there."

He gave me a cold stare, "Save it, Chapman. Your girlfriend is where she belongs. We can't have thieves going around unpunished."

"She's not a thief! I just told you, I put it there! She had nothing to do with it," I yelled.

Getting up, he walked around the desk and O'Neill took a few steps back. "You're out of line, inmate. If you don't control yourself, I'll put you in the SHU, too. Now, go back to your bunk." His face was inches from mine and his mouth twitched up in a smile. He knew there was nothing I could do. He wanted me to lose it. To just haul back my fist and punch him so that I'd be sent down the hill and he would finally win. But it wasn't going to happen.

I matched the ice in his gaze and stood my ground, "I'm not leaving until you fix this."

He stepped back and shrugged, "Suit yourself. O'Neill?"

The guard, who had only been observing until this point, straightened up, "Yes, sir?"

Healy turned to him and calmly ordered, "Escort Chapman to the SHU. As you can see, she's been exhibiting insubordinate behavior and needs some time to cool down."

I clenched my fists, fuming, and vowed that one day I would wipe that smug smile right off his fucking face. But for now, I had to suck it up and go quietly. I knew O'Neill was one of the more lenient guards. If I didn't fight him then he'd probably write a nicer report and I'd be out in a day or two. I just hoped that now Healy had me down there, he wouldn't feel the need to keep punishing Alex.

"Sir," I said to O'Neill once we'd left Healy's office, "please, you have to release Alex Vause. She didn't do anything wrong."

"Caputo will review the report and decide. Now, stop talking," he replied.

I kept my head down and stayed silent the rest of the way to the SHU.

It wasn't until I was in the room and O'Neill had closed the door that I finally let out my anger, kicking and banging my fists against the wall. Everyone else was screaming, so why couldn't I? "Fuuuck!"

Soon, the adrenaline coarsing through my veins let up and I slid down the wall, breathing heavy.

"Um... Piper?"

Her voice came through the grate and startled me. "Alex? Alex, is that you?!"

"Yea. What the hell are you doing in here?"

"I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. I'm so sorry, Alex," I told her.

"What are you sorry for?" she asked and I could hear the confusion in her voice.

"I put the mattress there- Leann must have seen me. I'm so sorry." There was only silence and I knew she must be pissed. "Alex, please say something," I pleaded through the grate.

She remained quiet for another minute before saying, "The fucking hillbilly was right."

"What?"

"Pennsatucky. She was right."

I knew Alex couldn't have been here for more than an hour. There was no way she could've lost it already. "What do you mean?"

I heard her sigh, "There is a God, and the dude fucking hates my guts."


	6. Chapter 6

Alex

"How'd you end up in here?" I asked her after a while of neither of us saying anything.

I heard her groan, "I tried to tell Healy it wasn't your fault and, of course, he wasn't very understanding. He said I was being insubordinate."

"You? Insubordinate?" I joked. "Oh, wait, yea... That's not in my top five adjectives for you, but it's up there."

"Shut up."

I shook my head. I was still high and I knew it'd be a while before it wore off. Maybe that's why I was able to talk to Piper so easily. Or maybe it was because I didn't have to see her face. "So, let me get this straight; you tried to reason with Healy even after he left you to die at Doggett's hands? On what planet did you think that would actually work?"

"I know. I fucked up," she said angrily and let out a bitter laugh. "What's new?" When I didn't answer, she asked, "Are you still there?"

"Uh, yea. Where the fuck would I go, Piper? I was just nodding my head in silent agreement."

"Great. Thanks..."

I rolled my eyes even though she couldn't see me, "What do you want me to say? That you didn't fuck up? Well, I'm sorry, but you did. You literally just got out of Psych less than four hours ago and now you're in the SHU because you couldn't control your temper."

"I was trying to help you!"

"Yea, because getting yourself thrown in here, too, is really helping," I assured her sarcastically.

"Fuck you, Alex."

I sighed, suddenly not in the mood to continue this conversation. "I'm going to sleep. I'd appreciate it if you held off on beating the shit out of the wall for a few hours. 'Night." I stood up and walked over to the bed. I was dead tired and didn't care that there was no blanket or pillow. I hoped that my exhaustion would be enough for me to actually get some sleep. A deep sleep that would last for days without any nightmares of sharpened crosses, hillbillies, or Piper.

-Day One...-

Piper

I stared down at the tray in my lap and grimaced. It was a bowl of some odd oatmeal-looking goop. I didn't know that it was really oatmeal, the mixture had congealed and stiffened and there were black specks of god-knows-what sprinkled throughout it.

"I can't do it," I said.

"Just think of the stories you'll have," was shot back at me through the grate.

"I already have stories about mystery loaf and moldy lunch meat. And besides, that really doesn't apply if this shit kills me."

"C'mon, we'll do it together."

Alex was always willing to try anything when we traveled, whereas I was always too afraid. But this stuff wasn't some rare, poisonous fish. It was just rotten food. I brought it up to my face and smelled it. My stomach turned.

"On three, okay?" she said. "One..." There was no spoon so i used my fingers and scooped out a small bite. "Two..." I took a deep breath and brought it inches from my mouth. "Three.." I couldn't do it. I heard Alex gag through the grate and the clattering of a tray.

"Alex?! Are you okay?" There was coughing and more gagging before she said, "Fuck... that! Don't do it."

"I-I didn't. I couldn't."

"Wimp," she said, "I knew you wouldn't."

"Well, I'm okay with being a wimp. That sounded horrible. Are you alright?"

"My tongue is kind of numb, but other than that, yea, I'm good."

I let my head fall back against the wall. If Alex couldn't handle the food in here, then I was seriously screwed.

A few hours later, we were playing Twenty Questions. It was like we had some sort of unspoken deal. While we were in here, we would act as though everything was normal and not talk about any heavy topics. We needed eachother to be there as a distraction in order to keep our sanity. I was just so grateful that she was talking to me that I wouldn't care if all she did was bitch about what an asshole I am. But she didn't. She was acting... normal.

"Is he a historical figure?" I asked.

"Yea, I guess."

"Was he a president?"

"Yup."

"Was his nickname Teddy?"

"Fuck! Okay, yea."

I laughed at her frustrated answer. "Theodore Roosevelt."

"How the hell do you do that?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. It's a gift. And you used that same one when we were flying from New York to London for the first time."

"Really? You remember that?"

"I remember a lot of things," I told her softly. There was silence and I knew I had crossed one of the unsaid boundaries. "So, I would say we could play 'I Spy' but it'd be kind of pointless," I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"It's amazing how the little things stick, you know?"

I swallowed, "Alex..."

"I spy with my little eye... something... white."

"The wall?"

"Ding, ding, ding..."

More hours passed and two more trays of inedible food were left untouched.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked. Conversation had dwindled and the games had gotten tired. There wasn't much we could really talk about without bringing up our past, present, or future.

"Food. You?"

"How long do you think they'll keep us in here?"

"Hard to say. Healy said a week or two in here might straighten me out. I'm not completely sure whether the pun was intended, though."

"God, I hate him."

"Was Psych as bad as Crazy Eyes said?" she asked.

"I wasn't detained there, so I'm not sure but it seemed like it. I only had to go for an evaluation."

"How'd that go?"

"I didn't get sent down the hill so I guess it went well." I readjusted my sitting position, my legs were starting to go numb. "The doctor who evaluated me asked about you."

"He did? Why?"

"Because after... what happened... the guards were interviewed and apparently they reported that we had an intimate relationship that, as the doctor put it, 'may have attributed to the detriment' of my mental health."

"What the fuck?"

"Yea, I know, right? It has Healy written all over it."

"So, he basically said I drove you crazy?"

I laughed, "Yes, but not in a good way."

She was quiet for a while. "Is that how you feel?"

I took a moment to really think about it. She had been part of the reason I broke down. But it was the stress of a situation I had created that pushed me over the edge. "Honestly? No. It's the opposite of that," I admitted. "You were the one keeping me sane, Alex. And when I lost you... that's what drove me crazy." She didn't say anything but, since we'd already crossed the line with the conversation, I took my opportunity to bring up what happened that night. "I never thanked you... for what you did. You were right, you know, about them being scared Larry would write something..." The silence continued. "Thank you, Alex. I know that it might not mean much, but I owe you my life."

"You don't owe me anything," she finally said. "I got you thrown in here, so let's just say we're even. I'm gonna try to sleep. 'Night, Piper."

"Alex, wait," I said, but she didn't answer.

-Day Two...-

Alex

The breakfast tray being dropped through the slot in the door woke me up. I didn't know how long I slept, the lights were always on and there were no windows so the only way to mark the passing of time was counting meals.

Today's breakfast was a stale piece of bread. The mold was easy to scrape off at least. When I said this through the grate, there was no reply. I figured Piper must still be sleeping. Or maybe she'd been released. I hoped it was the former, though I hated to even think that I was in a position where I relied on her. I had promised myself I wouldn't let that happen anymore.

Sure, yesterday had been fine. We had joked around and been civil. But I had screwed that up and asked a question I didn't want to know the answer to. Apparently, in Piper's mind, it was my fault she lost it. That pissed me off and I didn't think I could handle finding out what else she thought of me at this point.

The door to my cell opened to reveal a guard I'd never seen before. "Time to shower, inmate. Let's go."

It wasn't the greatest feeling in the world, having to strip in front of a perverted guard who didn't even have the decency to pretend he wasn't ogling me. The water was fucking ice cold and I couldn't move from beneath the stream because one of my hands was cuffed to the wall.

Just like the disgusting food, I seriously hoped I wouldn't have to get use to this routine.

I was still shivering slightly when I was put back in my cell. I could hear Piper talking through the grate quietly when the guard opened the door and luckily, he didn't seem to notice. I couldn't make out what she was saying but when the guard closed the door, she started yelling.

"Alex? Alex! Please, tell me you're still there!"

I hurried over to the grate and knelt down, "I'm here, Piper. The guard took me to the shower."

"What? You mean, you weren't there before?"

I could tell by her voice that she was crying. "No, I left like, twenty minutes ago. I just got back. Are you okay?"

"Are you serious? You weren't there? You didn't hear anything I said?"

"No, I told you I just got back. Why? What did you say?" She didn't reply. "Piper?"

I heard her laughing... or was she crying? It was hard to tell. "Wow," she said after a minute, "I just spilled my heart out to an empty room."

"What are you talking about?"

"Forget it. It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me," I said before I could stop myself, then mentally cursed myself out. I leaned my forehead against the grate and sighed, "Will you please tell me? I wish it didn't matter so fucking much, but it does, okay?"

"That's exactly why I shouldn't tell you, Alex," she whispered sadly.


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks for all the feedback. This chapter's kind of angsty, but it needs to be done- these two have serious issues lol. Hopefully, things will start looking up soon, so hang in there!

Piper

"You don't want to care about me. Doesn't that say enough about us?" I told her, my voice shaking. I could tell she didn't want to answer that question. She didn't need to, as far as I knew, it was pretty much rhetorical. "It was so stupid of us to think we could go back to how we used to be. We have too much history to be... well, fuck buddies, and too much chemistry to just be friends. I mean, it's been years and we're still not over eachother, even after we've both fucked up and hurt eachother so much. There was a reason it didn't work out the first time around. Multiple reasons, actually."

I heard her scoff, "Yeah, I got too busy and we stopped traveling as much, so you got bored and ran away."

"You really think that's why I left?" I was dumbfounded and angry at the same time. "Do you even remember the last months we were together or were you too fucking busy to pay attention?"

"Trust me, Piper, I definitely remember," she said.

I shook my head, frustration getting the better of me, "So, you remember why we were always fighting? You remember that I begged you to get out of the cartel and you refused?"

"Well, how would I afford to take you everywhere you wanted without money?" she shot back with sarcasm. "I was your ticket out of your suppressive, yuppie lifestyle. You wanted to run away and then you ended up running right back."

"I was running away? Really? For fuck's sake, if anything, you were the one always running from something. What was it, Alex? Your dad? Being poor? I guess I just never understood."

"Exactly, and you still don't. I wasn't running from anything, I was living and you wanted to come along for the ride until you decided your little adventure was through and you could go back to your life."

By this point I was livid, my voice becoming harsh. I couldn't hold it back anymore. "You know what you never understood, Alex? You never saw that all I wanted was to be with you. Yes, I loved traveling, but I would've been happy just being with you anywhere, money or no money. But you treated me like I was one of your drug mules; like I was just some straight, naive, twenty-something and you were my experiment- like you had to keep traveling with me to keep me interested in you." I paused to take a breath and try to control the tears falling from my eyes before continuing, "You never believed me when I said that I loved you. Do you know what that's like? Telling someone you love them, meaning it with your whole heart, and still seeing that doubt in their eyes?" I couldn't stop my voice from breaking, it felt like I was reopening all those wounds from the happiest yet most painful part of my life. "I was so in love with you, Alex, and I tried so fucking hard to show you, but nothing worked. It just got to be too much. Do you know how much it hurts that you think so little of me that you thought I left because I was bored or because you were busy? I left because staying with you was breaking me. I felt like a fucking failure and I couldn't take it anymore. It killed me to leave and I might have picked the worst time to go through with it, but I had to. And a part of me will always regret that because I know I will never love anyone like I loved you, like I still love you."

Hanging my head, I waited for her to say something, anything. I knew Alex wasn't as jaded and impenetrable as she made herself out to be, which is why I had held back on saying exactly why I left. I hid behind the excuse that I was scared and couldn't handle her lifestyle, which was true, but at the same time, it wasn't. I hadn't ever wanted to tell her those things because I knew they would hurt her in the worst possible way. Alex was the strongest person I'd ever met but I knew, even after all this time, I was the only one who could break her. I was the only one she ever let really see her, besides her mother, and it still hadn't been enough for me. I had given up on her.

Alex

I sat there, hugging my knees tightly to my chest. My throat was aching from trying not to cry and my head and heart were pounding painfully. The sick feeling in my stomach made it hard to breathe.

I couldn't handle being in this box. I couldn't handle what she said. I couldn't get away from her, and worse yet, I couldn't get away from myself. I rocked back and forth, my eyes shut tight, trying to reign in the overwhelming feeling of despair that had seized me as I listened to her words and saw, clearly, the truth behind them. I had always blamed her for leaving, but some of the fault rested on my shoulders as well. I just never wanted to admit it.

I was grateful that she'd stopped talking. After a few minutes I was able pull myself together and move to the bed to lay down and soon the tears stopped as I laid facing the wall.

I don't know how long I laid there. I heard the lunch and dinner trays come and go without bothering to see if either meals were safe to eat.

-Day Three...-

I must've drifted off at some point because soon another tray was dropped through the slot. I opened my eyes slowly; they were burning from the dried up tears. The uncomfortable feeling was the only thing that motivated me to get up to go to the sink and splash water on my face. Piper must've heard the faucet turn on because she called my name through the grate. I stared at it for a minute before returning to the bed. I wasn't ready to talk about it. I didn't think I ever would be and I knew that pretending like nothing happened wouldn't work this time.

Instead, I laid back down and tried to think about anything but her. I let my mind drift and wondered what the other inmates were doing.

It might have been pathetic, but I was actually missing being there with them. Yet, I guess it wasn't that ridiculous; prison was my life now and it would be for years to come.

I wondered if Gina had gotten back from the hospital and if Gloria was still refusing to serve Red in the cafeteria. Had Pornstache's suspension been lifted yet? And which unfortunate woman was now bunking with Leann?

Of course, thinking about Leann only led my thoughts to Pennsatucky and then to Piper. I hoped that Doggett woke up, for Piper's sake. If she didn't, I was sure there wouldn't be a way to avoid extra time added to Piper's sentence. Even under the guise of self-defense, that would still be involuntary manslaughter. I told myself that the only reason I cared about Piper's sentence being extended was because I wanted her to be out in a year so I wouldn't have to see her anymore. So I could do the rest of my time in peace.

Then again, we had both been assigned laundry duty. Maybe when we got out of here, they would change that. Then I wouldn't be forced to see her everyday for the next year. And what if they assigned us to the same block after this?

I pushed those thoughts away. If Healy had been serious and I really was going to be stuck here for two weeks, maybe Piper's injury would be healed enough so that she could go back to being a repair man or whatever.

Were the guards here even aware she had been stabbed? Were they giving her antibiotics and making sure the bandages were changed? Wasn't becoming malnourished a bad thing when you were recovering?

I couldn't help but worry about these things, and after a while of nothing to distract me from these thoughts, I started to panic. It had been my bright idea to stab her. I had weilded that cross and I had felt it tear through her skin and muscle. And now, I had not only guilt but a bad case of PTSD as I relived that moment over and over.

-Day Four...-

Piper

I was going crazy. How long had I been in here? It felt like months but when the tray hit the floor, I tried to remember the number. Was it eleven? That would mean it had been four days. Only four days. I really had fucked up this time. I had been banking on Caputo and O'Neill to get me out of here so much sooner, but apparently Healy had finally gotten them on his side. I expected that anytime now, he'd be at my door to gloat about it.

I had a temper and it had landed me here and also drove away my only reprieve in this place. Alex still wasn't speaking to me. I wished I could take back what I'd said. It was all I could think about besides my gnawing hunger.

The prison loaf residing on the tray was starting to look edible. The past few meals I had skipped, opting to fill up on water from the sink on top of the steel toilet. It tasted like copper and made my stomach hurt but I tried not to think about the reasons for that. At least I could keep it down.

I sat by the door, right next to the grate, and inspected the block of mashed food. Maybe if I held my nose and swallowed little pieces without chewing. Maybe if I did that and chased them with water from the sink. I mentally prepared myself. This was survival. I could do this.

After I thoroughly searched the food for mold and maggots, I got up and set the tray on the bed, picking off a small piece and then going to the sink. On the bright side, if I did get sick, the toilet was conveniently situated.

I turned on the faucet for quick access to water before squeezing my nose, popping the bite into my mouth and swallowing before I could taste it, then cupped my hand under the stream to bring the water to my lips.

I waited a few seconds after that, fighting the urge to gag, then repeated this process several more times. My throat started to get an irritated, itchy feeling, so I stopped halfway through the loaf. I was kind of proud of my accomplishment and the first thing I wanted to do was tell Alex about my newfound method.

Pushing back my anxiety, I approached the grate. "Alex?" I called hesitantly, my voice sounding odd even to me. No answer. "Alex." I said it louder this time and put my ear up to the opening, straining to listen for any movement.

It was a while before I heard anything, but I wasn't sure if I was imagining it, so I repeated her name again.

"Yea?" she answered and my heart sped up. God, I hoped I wasn't just imagining that. But at this point, it didn't really matter whether I was or not. I quickly explained the process to her and waited for a reply.

"Seriously? You ate that?"

I smiled at her surprised tone, "I did."

"Nichols was right; you would eat a pillow."

"What?"

"Nevermind."

She didn't say anything more, so I pressed, "Are you gonna try it?" I heard her sigh. "C'mon. If I can do it, you definitely can."

"Fine."

"Remember; small pieces and don't chew. And make sure there aren't any maggots."

"Yea, I got it."

I waited, hearing the faucet turn on. After a few minutes, I asked her how it was going.

"It feels like my throat is swelling," she said, then coughed.

"Yea, mine did, too. That's why I only ate half. It's not so bad now."

"You only ate half?"

"Yea, why?"

"Well, fuck."

"You ate it all, didn't you?" I almost laughed, but I didn't want to piss her off.

"Yea, 'cause I thought you did, and you're obviously still breathing." She coughed again.

"I'm sure you'll be fine."

"You have to eat the rest now."

"What? Why?"

"Because you tricked me into eating it all!" she called back.

"I don't remember telling you to do that."

"Well, I don't remember you telling me my throat was going to swell shut."

"Okay, that was a mistake on my part, but you're overreacting. You'll be fine. And besides, if we're both asphyxiating, who's going to call for help?"

"Good point, but fuck you."

I did laugh at that. "I'm sorry."

She was quiet except for the occasional cough. I sat there, feeling the initial air of carefree bantering turn to awkward silence and becoming uneasy. I wished it didn't have to be this way, but it was my fault it was like this. "I really am sorry," I said. "I shouldn't have said those things to you. I was just angry."

"You meant them, though, didn't you?"

I caught myself before I asked if it mattered, because I already knew the answer. The best thing I could do was just be honest. "Yea, I did."

"Then I should be the one apologizing." She cleared her throat a few times before continuing, "Piper, I... I don't really even know what I'm supposed to say. I'm sorry I made you feel that way. I never realized that I was doing that. I was just so afraid of you leaving me that I guess I... I don't know... I pushed you away, and all this time I thought I was right to do that, because you did leave. But now I see that I was too fucked in the head to understand that was part of the reason why you didn't stay. Does that make any sense?"

I swallowed and nodded, then remembered she couldn't see me and spoke up, "Yes."

"You remember how, in those months before we broke up, I was always with Fahri and it pissed you off?" She let out a chuckle, "You even went so far as to accuse me of sleeping with him?"

I smiled at this, because looking back, I saw just how ridiculous that was. "I remember."

"Well, the real reason I was spending all that time with him was because we were looking for my replacement."

"What do you mean?"

"I was going to leave, Piper. I was going to do a few more drops so I had enough money to make it while I searched for a job and, I don't know, maybe went to college."

Tears stung my eyes and I tried to keep my voice steady, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You know how hard it would be to get out. I didn't want to get your hopes up, I didn't want to tell you until I was completely out of it. I was lucky that Fahri was actually helping me and I was so fucking stressed because I knew how it could turn out if anything went wrong during those last few drops; Istanbul was one of them. And, I guess, since I thought it'd be one of the last and I couldn't think of any other options, I asked you to help even though you'd said you'd never do it again. It was wrong of me to do that, but I had justified it in my mind because I was getting out and it would make you happy. I mean, I thought that it would be the real beginning of our lives... together."

My heart felt like it was breaking all over again as tears of sadness and anger fell from my eyes. "Then why didn't you tell me when I was leaving? Why didn't you get out, Alex?"

"Because I was stupid and I was pissed and..." her voice broke as she trailed off. "When I came back for my mother's funeral and I had to go through all that shit by myself, the only person who was really there and who took care of me was Fahri. I had lost the two most important people in my life in the same day and I was wrecked, Piper. So, I stayed. I stayed for the money and so I could keep busy, and keep running. I even started using, something you know I would never do before then. I wasn't an addict, really, but just being that low... I never thought that would be me."

"Jesus, Alex..." I didn't know how much more I could stand to hear. I wanted to hug her and punch her at the same time. Why did she have to tell me this now? How had we both come to this? Was this supposed to be closure? I didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry, but I... I just need time to process this." It was for the best to end this conversation now so I could collect myself and I didn't want to lose my temper again and make things worse. "I'm gonna go lay down."


	8. Chapter 8

-Day Five...-

Alex

I was poking at the oatmeal concoction when I thought I heard a moan through the grate. My eyebrows shot up and I slowly turned my head to stare at it. I couldn't tell exactly what kind of moan it was so I didn't know whether I should acknowledge it. Piper did tend to be a rather vocal lover and I didn't want to disturb a private moment or something. I couldn't blame her for resorting to that kind of entertainment seeing as there wasn't much to do in here. I turned back to the glob and decided it wasn't worth eating.

"Oh, Jesus, fuck!" she whispered harshly, drawing my attention once more. I tried to figure out if those were words of frustration or pleasure. Feeling slightly nervous, I waited for more sounds, but when none followed, I tapped on the grate.

"Uh... Piper? You okay?" I asked.

"No," she whimpered, "It itches so fucking much!"

My mind, having already been in a dirty place, immediately jumped to conclusions as to what 'it' she was referring to, and I leapt to my feet. "Please, tell me there aren't fucking crabs in this place!"

"What?! Ew, Alex! Oh my God, no! That is so not what I meant!"

"Then what the fuck are you talking about?!"

"My stitches! You know, the things holding together the gaping hole in my side? They itch so bad and I can't scratch them. It's driving me insane!" she called back. "I can't believe you thought I was talking about... Ew! Really?!"

"Well, next time you might want to clarify what you mean by 'it', 'cause, I mean, crabs could totally happen. That's probably part of the reason there aren't any blankets."

"Great! Thank you for that thought. Wait... you don't have a blanket?"

I looked around my cell even though I knew if there had been a blanket in here, I definitely would've seen it by now. "No. Do you?"

"Yea."

"What the fuck? Why don't I have one?"

"Consider yourself lucky. Less chance of getting crabs, right?"

I sat back down, "Yeah... or lice."

"Alex!"

"Sorry," I laughed, knowing I had successfully terrified her. "It's a good thing, though."

"What is? Lice?!"

"No, you idiot; the itching is a good thing. It means it's healing."

"Are you sure?"

"Yea. Haven't you ever had stitches before?"

"No."

"Well, then just trust me, it's okay. But don't fuck with it 'cause you could rip them and get an infection."

"But what if I -"

"Don't fuck with them, Piper. Just chill."

A groan was her only reply.

"Have they been treating it since you've been here?" I asked.

"Yea. A nurse- well, I think he was a nurse- changed the bandage after I showered... I think it was yesterday... maybe the day before. I don't really remember. I haven't slept."

"That's good. I mean, it's good he checked it, not the whole 'not sleeping' thing. You know what I mean." I felt a wave of relief wash over me. Before now, I was too nervous to bring it up because if it turned out the guards hadn't been treating the wound, I probably would've had a full blown anxiety attack. "You just need to take your mind off it. If you keep thinking about it, it'll only make it worse."

"How am I supposed to distract myself in here?"

"Talk to me?"

"I'm still pissed at you, Alex," she said.

"If it'll keep you from getting an infection, then by all means, bitch away."

"I don't want to bitch. I..." she sighed. "I don't know what I want anymore."

That was unexpected. I had been bracing myself for an onslaught of 'fuck you's and other colorful insults, but I wasn't prepared for the defeated tone in her voice. "Listen, we don't have to talk about it. And, honestly, I think it's better if we just leave it there."

"Alex, I have so many questions I don't want to know the answer to, but I can't just leave it. What you told me changed everything and, at the same time, it changed nothing. I don't know which is worse."

"What do you mean?"

She took a while to answer, "We can't go back. We can't change the past, and even if we could, I'm not sure which part of me is bigger; the part that wishes so bad that we could, or the part that refuses to regret the past eight years of my life."

At first, I wasn't quite sure what she meant, but then it hit me like the ice cold showers I was starting to become accustomed to. "He came back, didn't he?"

"What?"

"Larry. He came back."

"Yes. He did," she said softly.

My head fell back against the wall. I hadn't realized until now that part of me was still hoping that maybe...

I stopped myself before I could even finish that thought and swallowed down the itch in the back of my throat. "Can't say I'm really surprised."

"Alex..."

"I should've seen that coming. I mean, I met the guy. He's... nice. But he has no balls, whatsoever. Which, I guess, makes your relationship work pretty well." I couldn't stop myself from saying those things. I was angry and hurt. How could she keep doing this? Did she not just say, two days ago, that she would never love anyone as much as she loves me? Fuck! Why did I keep falling for that?

"Don't start, Alex. You said yourself that we were through, no matter what."

"Sorry, this little therapy stint must've gone to my head," I muttered. "So, the engagement is back on. Congrats."

"I never said that, but if you must know, no, it's not," she spat back.

My body tensed, "You didn't take him back?"

"I didn't say that, either."

Frustration surged through me. Seriously, fucking whiplash. "Then what the fuck are you saying, Piper?"

"If Doggett doesn't survive then I'll be stuck in here for God knows how much longer, Alex! It wouldn't be fair to ask him to wait because I massively fucked up. So yeah, right now, we are technically back together, but I don't know if there's a future for us. And, not to mention, I'm sure Healy ran to the phone the second I was thrown in here to call him and tell him all about how I got in trouble because of my 'girlfriend'. So who knows if Larry will even still be around when I get out of here."

I didn't know what I was supposed to say. Was I supposed to feel sorry for her? Because I sort of did. I didn't want to see that he made her happy, that she loved him, but it was obvious those things were true. "I'm sorry. I just... I hate thinking of you with someone else and I stupidly thought that maybe we were finally getting somewhere with all this talk. But you're right; we can't go back and we both need to face that."

"I don't know if I can," she whispered.

"Neither do I. But we have to try. We fucked up a lot, but that doesn't mean we don't deserve to be happy."

"You make me happy, Alex," she said after a minute of silence.

An odd, fluttering feeling settled in my stomach. Is that what people were referring to when they said they had butterflies? It was a little unnerving. "Really?"

"Yes, really, you do." I could actually hear the smile in her voice, despite the pain underlying her words. "Even though you make me so miserable and angry at times, I still want you. I don't think that'll ever go away, which is why I don't know if I can handle being so close to you and not feeling like that. I don't think I can be that strong, and after what you've told me... it just seems even more impossible," she continued, her voice thick with tears. "I don't know what to do. I love Larry, and I was so ready to settle down and be with him forever, and then you come back into my life and you make me feel all these things. Things I had forgotten or just repressed, I don't know... And now it's all so fucked up and so complicated. I push him away because I want you, yet, I keep making these excuses for myself. Giving myself all these reasons why I can't be with you. And yesterday, you disproved one of them when you said that you were going to get out of the cartel and settle down with me. I never thought you would do that; I was holding onto that... and the fact that you still haven't told me how long your sentence is. But the worst thing is that you thought you were my back up plan and now, I realize that it was actually the contrary; I had made Larry my back up plan without knowing what I was doing."

At that moment, I would've given anything to be able to see her face. To see if I could tell whether what she said was really true or just desperation from being in here so long. I didn't want to through this again. If I believed her and then she left again, knew I wouldn't be able to survive that. Not after all this. I took a deep breath, "Eight years. But with good time, I'll be eligible for parole in five. That's how long I have. It was supposed to be fifteen to twenty, but since I gave names and they didn't know the amount I had imported over the years, my lawyer was able to talk it down."

I anxiously waited for her answer. The reason I didn't want to tell her before was because I knew it would be too long for her to wait and I thought that just being with her while she was here would be enough. But now, it was different. If this was going to happen again, I had to know whether we had a shot at a future or not. If we didn't, then at least it might give her some peace of mind to see that it wouldn't have worked even if she hadn't chosen Larry.

"How much time did you get taken off for giving them my name?" she finally asked.

"Do you really wanna go there?"

"It's fine. Just tell me."

I was afraid to answer that question, but she deserved to know. "I don't really know. Nine or ten months?"

"Then I guess I probably would've done the same thing if I was facing all that time."

I heard her door open through the grate, and it felt like my heart stopped. I couldn't make out what the guard said, but then I heard Piper say loudly, "Shower, right. Okay."

As the door slammed, I let out the breath I was holding, thankful that she had made sure I knew she'd be back.

It seemed like hours had passed and she still hadn't returned. The lunch tray had come a while ago, so I knew the passing of time wasn't just in my head. I started to worry that she had been released, as terrible as that was. I should be happy for her being let out, but I couldn't bring myself to be. We'd been here for five days, so that meant I might either have two or nine days until they let me out.

I didn't know what I'd do if she didn't come back and I was stuck in here for another week, besides wonder if maybe my sentence wouldn't be too long for her. I would have to avoid being sent to SHU again, even though this time hadn't even been my fault. And no more shots. I would be the model prisoner for the next five years, and then I would definitely get parolled.

I shook my head at these thoughts. There I go, again, getting my hopes up about the most indecisive woman I'd ever met. I had to stop doing that.


	9. Chapter 9

So, theres some *smut* in this chapter. I figured I ought to try and stick some in since Ive hit 100 reviews (which, btw, is awesome, so thank you all.) Ive never written a sex scene like this before, so i dont know. Be gentle? lol. If you dont like smut, you can just skip down to 'Day Six' when you get to Alex's POV. Anyways, enjoy and thanks again =)

Piper

My hair was almost dry by the time the guard led me back to my cell. When the door closed, I sat down by the grate and called for Alex.

"Shit, I didn't think you were coming back," she said.

"Yeah, sorry it took so long. I had to wait for the nurse to come and then when I told him about the itching he had to go get some cream for it and that took forever. But on the bright side, it doesn't itch anymore."

"That's good. Maybe now you can get some sleep."

"Yeah, maybe," I answered, though it wasn't necessarily the itching that had been keeping me awake.

The whole time I had been gone, I had been thinking about how long five years was. Really, if I was getting out in a little over a year, it'd be four years. But that still seemed like a really long time to wait. I couldn't help but think about how I hadn't even been able to wait two months before I cheated on Larry. Though, I knew if Alex wasn't here, I wouldn't have done that. I would've been able to wait a year, I was sure. And I also knew that the reason I cheated was because I was in love with Alex in a way that I never was with Larry. But would that be enough?

"I'm so fucking bored. Wanna play Twenty Questions or something?" Alex said. I knew she was giving me an out so we wouldn't have to continue our previous conversation. It probably was better if we didn't make any big decisions while we were in SHU, anyway.

"I wish we weren't stuck in here," I told her.

"Well, where do you wanna go?"

I smiled, "I don't know. Somewhere... warm."

"Hmmm..." she murmured and I waited to see what she'd come up with.

We use to do this sometimes, back when we were together. Of course, we usually ended up actually going wherever she described within the next few weeks, if not days.

"What about Tahiti?" she asked.

"Ooh, Bora Bora Bora?" I said, and we both laughed, thinking about Morello and the extra 'Bora'.

"Okay, maybe not," she said.

"How about somewhere we've been before? You know, so it's easier to imagine?"

"Do you remember La Digue?"

As soon as she named the island, a flood of memories filled my head. La Digue was a small island in the Seychelles. It was one of the first places Alex and I had traveled to. Taking me there was actually part of Alex's apology for making me smuggle the drug money, but even that didn't make the memory any less incredible.

"Oh, God, I got so sick on the ferry ride. The whole first day we were there I was stuck in bed," I recalled.

"Yea, and I had to ride that ugly orange bike all over the fucking island 'cause you insisted that Saltines were the only thing that'd make you feel better, then I get back and you're completely fine."

I laughed, "You were so pissed."

"I was. But the next day definitely made up for it. We found that little secluded beach like, a mile down shore from... what was that beach called?"

"The Grande Anse. It was so beautiful. It was the most perfect place I'd ever seen." I could still see it so vividly in my mind; the sparking white sand and the clear water that faded to a cerulean blue as it stretched towards the horizon. I could practically feel the sun warming my skin.

"We were laying on that blanket after swimming. You were wearing that blue bikini that matched your eyes," Alex continued. "All I could think about was taking it off with my teeth."

"Which you did," I said with a small laugh. "Right there, on the beach. God, anyone could've seen us."

"I didn't care. I just knew I had to have you." Her voice had taken on a low, husky tone. I couldn't help the shiver that went through me. If there was one thing Alex had perfected, it was that voice. "Piper?"

I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry. I knew it was futile to try and resist what was coming, and the truth was, I didn't want to. "Yea?"

"Close your eyes."

Alex

My heart was racing and I hoped I wasn't being too forward, but she didn't protest, so I kept going. "Tell me what you see."

It was a while before she answered, keeping her voice low, "I'm lying on my back and I see the sky. It's so clear; there aren't any clouds and the sun has just begun to set so there's a purple tinge to it. Then, I turn my head and I see you. You're lying on your side, your head is propped up and you're smiling down at me. Your hair is still a little damp, so your bangs are falling into your eyes, and those blue streaks... God, I miss those, they were fucking hot," she mused, her words barely above a whisper. "But right now, I can't take my eyes off of your lips. I want to kiss you so bad, so I do. I reach up and pull you down to me. You taste like the cherry brandy we had been sipping from your flask all day; sweet and warm."

She paused, losing herself in the memory, and I took over, my words slow and steady as I described what I was doing to her in my mind, "My hand slowly travels up your side. I can feel the bumps rise across your skin as I inch upwards. I move my leg so it rests between yours; I need to feel more of you. My lips leave yours and I kiss your neck, making my way to that sensitive spot below your ear as my hand snakes under your top, my thumb brushing your nipple and feeling it harden beneath the touch; your fingernails digging into my shoulders." I heard a soft moan through the grate and bit my lip. "You're grinding your hips against my thigh and I can feel how wet you are already. Tell me what you want, Piper."

"I want you," she breathed. "I need to feel you inside me, Alex. I need your tongue on me. You feel so fucking good."

Jesus, I had forgotten how amazing this was. All those times I had gone traveling without her had been good for only one thing; we had become pros at phone sex. "Are you touching yourself?"

"Yes."

"I'm moving down your body and you're leaning back on your elbows, watching me. You lick you lips as I hook my fingers on your bikini bottom and slowly drag it down your legs. Now, my mouth is only inches away from where you want it. Can you feel my breath, baby?"

"Fuck, Alex, please." Hearing her need so clearly made me shiver. I was so unbelievably horny right now.

"I close the distance and my tongue is drawing tight circles around your clit, your thighs trembling with every stroke. You taste so good," I whispered as her breathing became harsh. I knew she was close. I wanted to touch myself so badly, but I couldn't lose focus. "I wanna hear you, Piper. Tell me how good it feels."

"Oh, God. So good... so fucking good. Don't stop," she panted.

"I'm inside you now. You're so tight around my fingers as I pump them in and out, running my tongue over your clit. I speed up the pace and see the muscles in your stomach tighten. You're biting your lip, trying not to cry out, and I know you're close. I love watching you come, you're so fucking sexy," I told her then waited for the answering moan before saying the words that I knew would push her over the edge, "I want you to let go, baby. I want you to come for me."

My own arousal was almost unbearable as I heard Piper cry out my name through the grate.

After a few minutes, she finally spoke, "Fuck, that was... amazing."

"Thank you, I try," I said with a smile.

"Alex?"

"Yea?"

"Close your eyes."

I let out a soft laugh, then complied.

-Day Six...-

I woke up feeling better than I had in what felt like a month. It was incredible what an orgasm- or three- could do for the mind. My head felt so much clearer even though I still had no idea where Piper and I actually stood relationship-wise.

I walked over to the door and saw that today's breakfast was, again, a stale piece of bread which, depressingly enough, was the best you could ask for down here. It was already feeling like a damn good day to me. I sat down by the grate began picking off the mold.

"Hey, you awake?" I called to Piper.

"Yea. Just woke up," she replied, and I could hear the lightness in her voice.

"You sleep okay?"

"I did. Thanks for, you know... helping me relax."

"No problem. So, how moldy is your bread?" I didn't want to get stuck on what exactly yesterday meant because I didn't want it to ruin my good mood. That conversation could definitely wait.

"Not too bad," she answered. "Um, Alex?"

"Yea?" I had ridden the bread of mold and took a bite, imagining that the reason it was crunchy was because it was toasted.

"I've been thinking a lot... about what you said yesterday..."

I quickly swallowed and cut her off before she could say anything more, "Piper, I really don't think we should talk about this yet. I get that you have a choice to make and I really don't want to rush that like I did last time. And also, right now, I'm feeling pretty good and I don't want to know that you've picked him, again. So let's just keep things light for today, okay?"

"But, Alex, I-"

I didn't hear the rest of what she said because the door to my cell opened, startling me.

It was the guard who usually took me to the showers. I never bothered to figure out his name. "Your time's up, Vause. Let's go."

I stared at him, not sure if I had heard right. "What?"

He looked annoyed, "Get up, the van's waiting for you."

"They're letting me out," I said, still shocked, so that Piper could hear me. She didn't answer.

"Don't make me say it again," the guard growled and I quickly got to my feet.

I couldn't just leave without saying goodbye to Piper. I felt terrible that I was leaving her. I had been so sure they would let her out before me. "I, uh, I have to pee. Can you give me a second?"

"Hold it."

"But I really have to go," I pleaded.

He shook his head, "Not my problem." Grabbing my upper arm, he began pulling me out of the cell.

I called out the only thing I could think to say, "Please, hang in there, Pipes. I love you."

The guard looked at me like I was crazy. He probably thought I was actually speaking to the pipes in the walls. I didn't care though, I only hoped that she heard me.


	10. Chapter 10

Piper

The second I heard Alex say they were letting her out, a sharp pain shot through my chest. I couldn't speak, even though I wanted to. I wanted to beg her to stay, beg her not to leave me, but I knew she didn't have a choice.

Her words echoed through my head. "Please, hang in there, Pipes. I love you."

"I love you, too, Alex," I had whispered, my hand against the grate, knowing she wouldn't be able to hear me. Maybe it was better that way.

I dragged myself to the bed and fell on top of it, curling up into the fetal position, unable to control the sobs wracking my body. I was completely alone now.

The only thing I wanted, even more than getting out of this place, was to feel her arms around me, but the cell was empty and cold without her voice filling it.

Alex

"Welcome back, Vause," Morello greeted with a huge grin as I climbed into the van.

I settled into the seat and tried to brush away the tears that were escaping my eyes, giving her a weak smile. "Thanks."

I had been locked in that box for six days and I couldn't even enjoy the feeling of fresh air, I was too preoccupied thinking about Piper.

Morello was already driving up towards the minimum security prison, "It's hard in there, huh? I've never been, but Nichols and Big Boo have. I've driven so many people back, though. It changes a person, you know?" she said, meeting my eyes in the rearview mirror. "Oh. Well, yeah, I guess you would."

I rested my head against the window and stared out at the passing scenery. "You have no idea."

After going through processing again and retrieving the box of my things, I was led to the dorm where I would stay until I had a new bunk assignment.

There were only two other women in there when I arrived. One was an elderly African American woman I'd never seen before, who just sat on the edge of her bottom bunk, staring at the opposite wall, and didn't acknowledge my entrance. And the other was Mercy, a girl who had just recently been released. She was up on the top bunk, tucked into the corner. At first, I hadn't recognized her; she was paler and skinnier, her hair was duller and her cheeks were sunken in. I knew that look. She had gone back to heavy drugs, most likely heroin. I felt even more depressed, seeing that she had ended up back here. I wondered if Tricia's suicide had triggered her relapse.

"Hey," she said, looking up. "I remember you. Vause, right? I'm Mercy."

"Yea, I know." I answered.

"You re-offend or something?"

"No. I just got out of SHU."

"Shit. That sucks. Well, at least you're out." She hopped down from the bed and looked to the the old woman, "Looks like we got a new roomie."

The woman just continued to stare and Mercy shrugged, turning back to me, "She doesn't talk. I don't know if it's 'cause she can't or if she's just racist."

I raised my eyebrows, then nodded, before introducing myself to the woman to be polite. Still, nothing. Her and Norma would probably get along great if she isn't actually a racist.

I carried my box over the the locker by the empty bunk.

"So, why'd they put you in SHU?" Mercy asked.

"They thought I stole a mattress."

"But you didn't?"

"No. It's a long story."

"Look around, Vause. It ain't like we don't have time for long stories," she said then nodded towards the woman, "And you don't gotta worry about her interrupting you. C'mon, let's hear it."

I let out a small laugh before giving in and telling her about the whole misunderstanding.

"Wow, that's fucked up. How come the bitch that stole your mattress didn't get boxed?" Mercy asked after I had finished.

"I don't know, 'cause the guards here suck at their jobs? But, trust me; she got what was coming to her."

We had talked for a while longer and I found out that Mercy had just arrived last night. That scared me because I knew she was most likely going to go through withdrawal sometime soon, and even though I used to import the stuff, I had no idea how to handle that type of situation.

We went to the cafeteria together and met Nicky, who came up to me with a shit-eating grin plastered on her face, "Look at you, Alex; back from the dead. How'd the prison loaf treat ya?"

"That shit should be illegal," I told her.

She tilted her head as her eyebrows drew together, "Wouldn't be surprised if it actually was."

Once we got our food, we headed to a table where Morello, Yoga Jones, Big Boo, and Sister Ingalls were gathered. They all welcomed me back before resuming their conversation.

I was too busy enjoying the food- which was probably the best chicken, beans and rice I had ever remembered tasting- to notice the tension at the table. When I finally did catch on though, I slowly looked between Big Boo and Mercy who were sitting opposite eachother. Big Boo was giving the girl some pretty nasty looks as Mercy attempted to focus only on her food that she wasn't eating, just pushing around with her fork. I glanced at Nicky and saw she was the reason Big Boo was turning her eyes elsewhere every so often. It wasn't hard to figure out what was going on.

I knew Boo and Mercy use to have a thing, which I could never imagine- not that I wanted to. Boo was obviously pissed that Mercy was back and had obviously relapsed. And Nicky was basically telling Boo through a series of death glares to 'back the fuck off.'

I started to feel uncomfortable and I wasn't even in the silent feud. I wanted to help Mercy out but had no idea how.

As much as I wanted to finish the food, it also wasn't settling in my stomach too well because I couldn't help thinking about what Piper was doing.

"I have to go get some stuff from commissary," I announced, standing up. "Hey, Mercy, didn't you say you needed a toothbrush?" Nicky raised an eyebrow. I knew she saw right through my lame excuse but I couldn't come up with anything else.

The girl looked up at me, confused, then caught on to what I was doing. "Oh, shit, yeah. I should come with you." She hastily got up from her seat, "I'll see y'all later."

"Yea, see you guys," I said and Nicky nodded her approval before I turned to follow Mercy out of the cafeteria.

"Thanks for that," she said once we were back in our dorm. "Shit's been tough, you know? Boo's always up my ass and I really don't want any trouble. I already know I fucked up, getting myself thrown back in here."

"It's cool," I told her, trying to keep my tone aloof. "If you ever wanna talk about it..."

"Thanks, but I don't."

"I was just gonna say that that's what the counselors are for," I said and she laughed. I was glad she got the joke. It seemed like she needed it.

"You're cool, Vause. I like you."

Three days later...

Piper still hadn't come back and it seriously sucked. It was starting to take it's toll on me, the guilt of being let out before her and knowing there was nothing I could do. I couldn't stop thinking about her and what would happen when she was finally released. Last time she got out of SHU, she'd dragged me into the chapel and had her way with me. It was hot, yea, but I wasn't sure if it was because she actually wanted me or she just wanted someone. This time around I had no idea what to expect, but I wouldn't let that happen again.

I was back on laundry duty now. Yesterday was my first day back and seeing Leann, having to spend the whole day around her, had put my nerves on edge. I wasn't going to do anything to her, though. I had promised myself that I would avoid trouble. Whether Piper wanted me or not, I was getting out of here in five years, not eight.

Mercy had been assigned my old bunk the day before. She told me there still wasn't a mattress on the bed and that she was definitely going to get back at Leann, for both of us. I just hoped it wouldn't land her in more trouble.

It was nice having a new friend in here, especially since I had told Nicky about the whole experience with Piper in SHU- well, not the 'whole' experience- and she had been teasing me about it incessantly.

It was after lunch that Officer O'Neill came up to my dorm, "You've been assigned a new bunk. Get your stuff and I'll take you there."

I did as I was told and followed him to a different cell block than the one I previously resided in. When the doors opened, I was both intimidated and kind of shocked. This was the Spanish Block. I hadn't really spoken to any of them before. It was no secret that prisoners tended to gravitate to their own racial group in here, but the Spanish were the closest knit group. Come to think of it, I don't recall seeing any of them ever hanging out with someone outside their race. Plus, they tended to mostly speak Spanish, and, though I had spent a lot of time in Spanish-speaking countries, I was far from fluent.

O'Neill led me to my new cube and practically everyone in the room gawked at me. I felt like an albino giant compared to these petite, exotic women.

"Here ya go," O'Neill said, stopping in front of a cube. The girl who was my new bunkie looked up at me and her eyes went wide. Obviously, she was just as surprised as I was that I'd been assigned to this block.

O'Neill left and I stood there awkwardly as she stared at me for a few seconds. I cleared my throat, "Um, hola. Me llamo Vause. Er... como se llama?"

She looked at me like I was crazy before standing up. "I don't really speak Spanish," she said. "I'm Diaz, but most people just call me by my first name 'cause my mom goes by 'Diaz'."

"Your mom's in here?" I asked, "That's... cool."

"Not really," she muttered before looking past me, "Shit. Here she comes, now."

I turned around to see a very small, very agitated older lady making her way towards us. I busied myself, setting my box of belongings on top of my locker, and realized I hadn't asked the girl what her first name was.

I turned around just as the 'older Diaz' came stomping in, giving me a dirty look before going over to 'younger Diaz' and whispering angrily in Spanish. She was speaking so fast that I could only pick up a few words and phrases. She was definitely talking about me in a not so nice way.

"You know, I do hablas some Espanol," I told the woman.

She stopped her ranting and turned, marching straight up to me. "Ay. I know what you are. You a lesbo," she spat. I raised my eyebrows, taken aback. I wasn't sure how to respond to that. "You better keep your hands off my daughter, puta. She ain't like that."

I knew it wasn't the best first impression to lay on my new bunkie, but I couldn't help myself. I openly made a show of looking behind the woman and checking out 'younger Diaz', licking my lips before returning my gaze to 'older Diaz'. "Damn, that's too bad. She's pretty hot."

At least 'younger Diaz' got a kick out of it, quickly covering her mouth to stifle her laughter. Her mother looked like she was about to slap me though. I took a step back, putting my hands up, "It was a joke, okay? Hands to myself, I got it."

'Older Diaz' huffed, turning on her heel and exiting the cube without another word.

"Holy shit, I can't believe you just did that!" 'younger Diaz' said. Okay, I had to stop calling her that.

"So, what's your name?"

"It's Daya."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Alex. I have kind of a shitty past with roommates; mind if I ask you what happened to your old one?"

"Oh, yeah.. she uh, she had her baby and then had to come back here. She stopped eating and going to work so they took her to Psych."

"Shit, I'm sorry. That's terrible."

"Yeah, they said she had like, post mortem depression or something."

"You mean postpartum?"

"Huh?"

"Nothing. I gotta go to the laundry room. That's where I work. If you have clothes that need washed I can take them down for you and bring them back after my shift."

"Really? That'd be cool," she grabbed her bag and handed it to me. "Thanks."

"It's no problem. Just one of the many pros of being my new roommate. I'll see you later."

"Yeah, see ya."

I had been doing laundry for about an hour now, and it was time for me to take the towels and aprons up to the kitchen. Leann was keeping her distance as usual and hiding on the other side of the machines, folding. I left without telling her and headed towards the kitchen. When I got there, all of the Spanish women who worked there went silent and just stared. Only Daya offered a small wave and Norma gave me a smile. I was sure they had all heard about my run-in with Diaz and I quickly delivered the laundry before making myself scarce. I really hoped Gloria wasn't gonna starve me out for that.

When I entered the laundry room, I froze, all thoughts of starvation vanished. Piper was standing there and Leann was nowhere to be seen.

She looked so skinny and frail, the expression on her face was indiscernable. I was afraid to move, unsure of what to do. But I didn't have to stay uncertain for long. She purposefully walked torwards me and then threw her arms around my neck. I hugged her tightly to me, feeling like a thousand pounds of weight had been lifted from my chest. Even though she was crushing me to her, I could breathe easier than I had in what seemed like months.

"God, I've missed you so much," I told her, tears stinging my eyes.

"You have no idea."


	11. Chapter 11

Author's Note: Sorry for the hiatus, guys. I kind of had to rethink the plot line for the story a little, so it took longer to update this time around, but it should be more regular now. I also wanted to let you guys know that I'm working on another OITNB fic and already have a few chapters, about Piper and Alex meeting under different circumstances when they were younger, so that'll be up in the coming weeks. Anyway, thanks for reading and sorry again =)

Piper

I don't know how long we stood there just holding each other. I didn't want it to end, though. I felt the tears escaping my eyes without trying to stop them. But there was this underlying sense of dread that filled the area of my chest where my lungs should be. As if sensing this, Alex stiffened, her arms slowly dropping from around me as I let her go and stepped back.

It was weird, seeing her face. The days in SHU had made it seem normal to speak to her, but now, it felt as if there was something holding me back, making me nervous. It was ridiculous to feel this way after all we had said and admitted. Yet, maybe the reason we had owned up to those things was because we didn't have to look at each other and see the disappointment and hurt we caused.

We stood there, staring and not knowing what to say. I wanted to tell her how much I had missed her voice, but I knew by saying that I might confuse this situation further. I knew what I was supposed to say. I was supposed to have made a choice by now and I hadn't. I was too afraid to look her in the eye.

Alex wasn't stupid, though, and it didn't take long for the realization to hit her. It was her turn to look away, now. She used her sleeve to wipe underneath her eyes and then adjusted her taped glasses as I swallowed back the tears in my throat and watched her.

Why did it have to be so hard? Why couldn't I just make up my mind and be done with it? At that moment, I imagined it was Larry standing in front of me instead of Alex. And like I had done for the past few days in SHU, I compared my emotions. Right now, my heart hurt more for Alex, but I couldn't be sure if that was just because she was the one physically standing in front of me.

The truth was, I had tried to picture what it would be like if I did choose Alex. It was all I had really thought about since she told me how long her sentence was. I kept trying to imagine what we would be like, outside of Litchfield and five- or possibly eight- years down the line, and I couldn't. I couldn't see our future. I couldn't calculate it or envision it like I could with Larry.

But being able to see my future with Larry wasn't necessarily a good thing. I wasn't the only one who had changed since being in here; he had, too. And honestly, I wouldn't say we changed so much as revealed who we really are inside. I felt like I didn't really know him and he sure as hell didn't know me. Which is why, at this point, the future I saw with him seemed incredibly bleak.

"Are you okay?" she finally asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. She had regained her composure in the seconds of silence and her features held a look of stony resolve, her walls were back up and her eyes were guarded. It was amazing, yet unnerving, how easy it was for her to shut off emotion. She'd always been able to do that, ever since we'd met.

"I… I'm fine." There was no point trying to explain myself. It wouldn't get us anywhere.

She nodded and walked past me, busying herself with the laundry. It felt like I was having a bad case of déjà vu as I watched her. We really were terrible at communicating with each other.

"So, what have you been up to?" I asked in a lame attempt to start some kind of dialogue.

"I've gotta get this done," she explained without looking at me. "They put me in the Spanish block and I'm trying to get on my new roommate's good side, so I offered to do her laundry."

"Really? They put you in there?"

"Yea."

"Well, at least you don't have to deal with Leann anymore."

"Except for the fact that she works here, too," Alex pointed out.

"Right. I forgot about that…"

"It's not a big deal. She's terrified of you so if you do start working here, she might just stop showing up."

I was sure that her remark was a way for her to gage whether I was still assigned laundry duty. "Then I guess she won't be here tomorrow."

Alex froze and glanced at me before continuing to fold her roommate's clothes. "Guess not."

I sighed, feeling awkward and tired of the mutual avoidance of the major issue between us. "I hope that you meant what you said about not rushing this. I really do need time, Alex."

When she didn't say anything, I shook my head and turned to leave.

"Piper, wait," she said and I stopped, turning to face her again. "I did mean it. I just… I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

I gave her a small smile, "At least we're on the same page in that aspect. I'll see you at dinner, okay?"

"Okay."

I left the room, feeling slightly better about our situation but still weighed down by all the thoughts in my head. I took a deep breath, trying to clear them, and made my way towards the dorm I'd been assigned. Dinner was in an hour, so I figured I could hide there and avoid everyone until then.

Unfortunately, my plan was foiled when I saw Nicky right outside my room.

"Chapman, you look like a fucking Ethiopian." She smiled wide.

"Uh, thanks?" I walked past her and went to sit on my bunk. The other woman who shared the room and hadn't said anything to me when I first arrived was laying on top of her bed, facing the wall.

Nicky stayed where she was by the doorway, "Listen, we need to have a little talk. Mind if I come in?"

"Sure." I didn't know what to expect. The last time I had spoken to her was when I pretty much yelled at her to tell me where Alex was the day I got thrown into SHU.

She walked in and sat down next to me, then reached up and scratched her head before saying, "You gotta stop this shit."

"Excuse me?" I raised my eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about this thing with you and Alex. It was kind of entertaining at first, all the high school drama and unrequited love bullshit. It was like being in an episode of 'the L Word'. And in here, there's rarely anything to break the monotony, you know? But you can't tell me that you don't see what you're doing to her."

I frowned and shook my head, "I don't see how what's going on between me and Alex is any of your business."

"It's my business because Alex is my friend and you have no idea how messed up she was when you were in the hospital," Nicky said with an aggressive edge in her voice. "I don't know what the hell really went down between you two- back then or now- but I do know that you are seriously fucking with her head and you need to cut that shit out, for both your sakes."

I stared at her, wondering when she had become so protective of Alex. I had thought that Nicky and I were sort of friends, but she was definitely picking sides here. She was always flirting with Alex and I assumed that, even though it seemed in jest, Nicky did have some feelings towards her. I couldn't imagine that Alex returned them, though. I knew Nicky wasn't her type. At least, she didn't use to be. But it had been eight years since I'd been completely sure of Alex's type.

I started to feel a little sick. Had something happened between them?

"Did you and Alex…" I couldn't even finish the question.

"That's not what this is about, Piper," she said in a softer tone. "And even if something did happen, you don't own her, as much as you try to."

"Wow," I whispered and smiled, though I'm not quite sure why because inside I felt like someone had replaced my stomach with a led boulder. I knew I didn't have a right to be upset, but I was hardly in control of my emotions these days. "You should leave now, Nicky," I told her calmly.

Nicky sighed and stood up, "Don't make this a big deal, Chapman. Shit happens. I'll see you around." She walked towards the door and called back, "Oh, and happy New Year," before disappearing.

That took my mind off of Alex and her for a minute as I contemplated the fact that I had completely forgotten that I missed the holiday while I was in SHU and it was, indeed, a new year. I laughed at this, realizing that it didn't mean anything to me and, for a second time now, I had spent a holiday in SHU. Fantastic.

I got up, pushing all thoughts aside and focusing on where I was going. The line for the phone was only two people deep but it felt like an eternity until it was my turn. I quickly punched in the familiar number and hoped for and answer.

"Hey, Piper," Larry said and I was relieved to hear that he didn't seem upset.

"Hey. Happy New Year."

He laughed, "You're kind of late on that. Where have you been? I was worried."

He obviously wasn't aware that I'd been in SHU, for which I was grateful. "I know, I'm sorry. I've just been taking some time to readjust and everything."

"It's okay. How's your injury?"

"It's healing. No infections or anything, so that's good," I told him and he agreed. "I was wondering if you wanted to come visit this weekend. You know, so we could talk about what you said in the hospital."

"Sure. I can come up on Friday. Is that okay?"

"That's perfect. I'll see you then."

"Great," he said and I could hear the smile in his voice. "See you soon, Pipes."

I hung up and went back to my dorm to await the prisoner count. I refused to let myself think about Alex and instead focused on what I would say to Larry in two days, as well as trying to convince myself that everything would work out for the best.


	12. Chapter 12

Alex

I anxiously waited in line to be served for dinner, hoping that Gloria wouldn't have seen my indiscretion against Diaz as a reason to deny me food. I probably should've thought my actions through before executing them, but I wasn't that kind of person. Fucking with people was one of the only small joys I was afforded in this place and I took advantage of any opportunity.

I finally stood in front of Norma, who wordlessly set the tray in front of me. I stared at it for a few seconds, expecting her to push it to the next person in line, but she just pushed it forward and nodded. Taking the tray, I left the line and felt myself relax a little. Now all I had to worry about was sleeping while surrounded by Diaz sympathizers.

The first thing I noticed when I went to find a table was that Piper was nowhere to be seen. I shrugged it off and made my way towards where Mercy, Lorna and Nicky were seated. Because of all the tension between Mercy and Big Boo, the group had split and now sat at different tables to avoid conflict.

I took a seat beside Lorna and she looked over, smiling, "Hey, Alex. We were just talking about your girl." She tried to stifle her laughter and I rolled my eyes before setting my sights on Nicky, who had obviously told Lorna to refer to Piper as my girl to piss me off. But it wasn't happening today.

"What about her?" I asked casually, picking up my fork and spearing a piece of lettuce.

"I don't get it," Mercy said and looked between the other two women, "I thought you said she was gonna lose her shit?"

"Sorry to disappoint, but my shit is present and accounted for," I told Mercy.

Nicky, who was sitting next to her, had an odd look on her face but quickly composed herself. "So, I heard you're in with the Spanish now," she said.

"Ugh, good luck with that," Lorna muttered and I couldn't help but laugh.

"It's not so bad," I assured her but she just shook her head. "I'd take my new roomie over Leann any day."

Nicky leaned forward and lowered her voice, "You know she's the reason why Pornstache got suspended, right?"

"Who? Daya?" I asked and Nicky nodded.

I was about to ask her to explain when I spotted Piper walking into the cafeteria. She made her way to the lunch line quickly, keeping her eyes straight ahead. I could tell by the way she carried herself that something was up.

My assumptions were only further confirmed when she got her tray and sat at the table with Tastee and the others, all the while making sure she didn't look my way. What the hell was that about?

"Yo, Vause, did you hear me?" Mercy said, loudly, and I turned to look at her, realizing I hadn't been paying attention to the conversation around me because I was too busy watching Piper.

"Huh?"

"Ya done creepin' on Chapman, or what?" Mercy asked with a smirk.

Having been called out, I sheepishly stared down at my food.

"Are you two back together or something?" Lorna asked, then continued before I could answer, "'Cause the whole mattress thing was kinda cute, you know? I mean, getting put in SHU because of it wasn't so great but it's the thought that counts, right?"

"We're not back together," I said, ending the conversation and changing a subject, "So, what were you saying, Mercy?"

The rest of dinner involved good conversation and no mentions of Piper, but that didn't mean I could help myself from glancing over at her every now and then. When I saw her leave, I wanted to follow her so badly, but I wasn't sure if this was what she meant by 'needing time'. So I opted to stay put until everyone else left and then headed to the common room with Mercy and Nicky to play Scrabble and watch TV until I had to go back to my block for prisoner count and lights out.

The next morning, Piper wasn't in the cafeteria for breakfast, but I still refused to let it get to me. I ate quickly and headed for the laundry room. I knew that if she missed work she would get shot, so she would definitely be there.

She showed up ten minutes after I did, saying an uneasy greeting and, once again, she wouldn't make eye contact.

"So, what should I do?" she asked and looked around the room.

I sighed and decided to just explain the whole process to her and not pry just yet. She listened and then began working silently and I did the same, growing increasingly frustrated by her odd behavior.

After an hour of this, I couldn't take it anymore, "Are you gonna tell me what the hell's wrong?"

She stopped what she was doing and finally looked at me, seeming surprised by my outburst. "Nothing's wrong."

"Really? Because when you said 'see you at dinner' I kind of got the idea that I'd see more than just your back. So cut the shit and just fucking tell me what's going on."

She set down the shirt she was folding and stared at it. "I know," she said, quietly.

I frowned, thoroughly confused, "You know what?"

"I know what happened with you and Nicky."

I was caught off by this turn of events. I almost laughed, raising my eyebrows at her. "And?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" I could hear a slight anger in her voice.

"Why does it matter? We weren't together."

"You should have told me, Alex."

I gave a small chuckle, unable to help myself. "So, that's why you were avoiding me? Because you're jealous?"

"I'm not jealous," she shot back indignantly. "I just think that's something you should have told me."

I walked over to her and she kept her eyes downcast, "You know, I'm glad you're jealous. It means you care."

"Why did you do it?" she asked, apparently not seeing the need to deny her jealousy any longer.

I shrugged, "It just happened. It's not like I'm in love with her or anything."

"Did you do it just to hurt me?"

The thought that Piper would even give a shit about what happened hadn't even crossed my mind, but maybe there was a chance that was true. Like a subconscious motive or something. Or maybe her question was making me overthink it, because when it happened, it meant nothing more to me than a way to pass the time. "No, I didn't. But I'm sorry if it did, because I know what it's like."

She looked up to meet my eyes, "What do you mean?"

"Think about how you feel right now, over a meaningless encounter, and multiply it by a thousand; that's how I feel every time you say his name," I admitted.

She took a minute to process this and then shook her head, "If it hurts that much, then why do you stay?"

I laughed because that was a question I'd been asking myself constantly since this all started. "Well, it's not like I enjoy this. I'm honestly beginning to wonder if I may be some sort of masochist," I told her. "But I think the answer is pretty fucking obvious, Piper. I stay and I put up with all this because I love you. And I get that I don't have much to offer at this point; I'm just a felon and he's a fucking poster boy for your idea of a perfect life. But I'm still hoping that maybe those ridiculously cheesy romantic movies are right and love is enough, because that's all I've got right now." I took a deep breath, hating how naive I sounded. "You're all I've got, Piper. So, no, I'm not going to give up. Not yet."

Piper's eyes were focused on the ceiling and I realized she was struggling to hold back her tears. I hated this whole situation. I hated that we both had to hurt so much when the answer was so easy, and I hated that she still wouldn't let herself see that.

"He's coming to visit tomorrow," she whispered.

I swallowed back the biting reply I wanted to give and pressed, "And?"

She exhaled shakily, her eyes coming down to meet mine, "And he still wants to get married."

I bit the side of my bottom lip and nodded, "So, what? You're gonna have your wedding in prison? Real classy, Pipes. I'm sure your folks will love that."

"I didn't say I was going to do it, Alex," she said firmly. "But if I do choose him, yes, I will. I don't care what my parents think. He doesn't trust me and he definitely has good reason not to, because I can't really trust me."

"Jesus! Are you hearing yourself?" I almost shouted, completely amazed by her logic. "If he doesn't trust you, why would you go through with it? For fuck's sake, Piper, if you can't even trust yourself, doesn't that say something?!"

She didn't have a chance to answer because Mercy and a few other girls walked in, carrying their bags of laundry.

Mercy looked between me and Piper and quirked an eyebrow, "Is this a bad time?"

I readjusted my glasses out of nervous habit and walked over to my station, hoping the other girl hadn't heard too much of the argument. "Just drop them here, I'll get your tickets."

There was a steady stream of prisoners coming to drop off and pick up their clothes, so we didn't speak any further. When it came time for lunch, I made my way out of the laundry room, but stopped near Piper in the hall. "I'm sorry I flipped. It's just… this is really stressing me out. I'm trying to be patient here, I really am. But it's not easy."

She nodded. "It's okay, I get it. I'm sorry, too. But nothing's been decided yet, Alex, and I can't say when it will be." With that, she turned and continued down the hall, leaving me standing there to wonder how much longer I could do this before I broke.


End file.
